Still Loving You
by g3ozLizh
Summary: PARTIAL CHPATER UP! Chap. 18 (19th one) will be up shortly. -- Hotohori & Miaka's paths cross once again only this time with Houki in the way. Then Tamahome finally admits that he still loves Miaka and wants her back... R&R!
1. Thoughts

Author's Notes: Hehehe… I just modified this a bit. Don't worry, it's not the story.

Disclaimer: I Don't Own FY! ^_~

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Still Loving You…

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By: g3ozL!zh

Chapter 1

Emperor Hotohori paced back and forth inside his room, waiting for Miaka… waiting for her final decision. He couldn't help the feeling of dread and helplessness that whatever Miaka's decision is, he wouldn't be able to change it. Of course, he will respect her decision but he couldn't say that it would not hurt if Miaka turns him down. He stopped pacing and heaved a heavy sigh. He couldn't understand why is it that when he found the right girl he wants to marry, the girl he had ever loved, there has to be another man that wants her heart. Well, that just goes to say that Miaka is no ordinary girl. She is someone very special that the two men in her life are willing to die just so one of them can have her. Hotohori sat on the edge of his bed, gripping his hands. _I can't afford to fight against Tamahome… he is one of the Suzaku Seven and… he is my friend. Miaka loves him._ He immediately shook his head, trying to erase what he had just thought. _No! I must not feel as if I'm already defeated. _True, Miaks loves Tamahome but that doesn't imply that he himself is out of the picture. _Miaka, I love you and… I don't think I can afford to lose you._

~ * @@@ * ~

Miaka steadied her shaking fingers as she put on some fresh clothes. Last night, she hadn't been able to sleep because she couldn't stop thinking about what Hotohori told her yesterday. _Miaka, I'll wait for you in my room…there I shall wait for your decision._ Miaka had looked deeply into his eyes, as did he. She could feel the overwhelming hope and sadness that reflected in his eyes from within his soul. Tears misted over Miaka's eyes, clouding her vision. She doesn't want to cry but without realizing it, a tear rolled down her cheek. Hotohori wiped the tear away with his thumb at the same time caressing her cheek. She then had took a hold of his wrist and squeezed it firmly, a small, sweet smile forming on the corners of her mouth. Hotohori smiled too. Then he dropped his hand, slowly…

~ * @@@ * ~

_…then he slowly bent his head, leaning close. He felt Miaka's breath on his face, he looked more deeply into her eyes, as if questioning her if she would allow it. When he found no hesitation in those, he finally brought his lips onto hers…_

For a while now, he had been thinking of that bittersweet moment with Miaka. He could still feel the softness of her lips on his, the smell of her lustrous hair as the kiss deepened. He smiled at the thought. _Miaka…_

~ * @@@ * ~

She savored the feeling of Hotohori's lips on hers, closing her eyes, even if she was just recalling it in her mind. Then the thought of Tamahome's kiss emerged. She opened her eyes, brow furrowing. _How is it possible for me to love two guys at the same time, having them being a big part in life that I can't bear to lose one for the other? _She glanced at her reflection in the mirror. Letting the clip fall down from her hands at her side, she decided to let loose her hair. It matches the turmoil she is feeling inside. _I've never been popular with the boys back home…_ She smiles wryly. She could still recall the times she had wish to have two guys fighting for her love but now that she realized the consequences of it, she regretted having hoped for it in the first place. _Tsk, Tsk._ She quietly scolded herself._ How I have matured this past few months ---- wait! Maybe only hours…_ She shrugged her shoulders. _Whatever!_ Taking a deep breath, she stepped back, having one last look at her reflection. Then she went out.

~ * @@@ * ~

_Ugh! What is this headache?_ Tamahome tried to get up from his bed but can't. So he just rubbed his eyes groggily and trying to get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth by gulping. 

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Author's Notes: 

So, how do you find it? This is my first shot for a fanfic so bear with me. I'll add more to this, don't worry .Please read and review so that I may know what you think. Thanks!


	2. Questions

Here's Chapter 2!

Standard disclaimer apply.

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Still Loving You…

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By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 2

Then Tamahome remembered. _Oh yeah. I was out last night, having the wild night of my life… the first …_ An image came to his mind. _And surely the last. _That thought gave him enough energy to swing his legs to the side of the bed and fight the overwhelming pain in his head. _Why did I ever drink the night away anyway? That's not usually me._ He smiled, knowing the answer to his own question. _Hah! I must be loosing my mind, talking to myself. _He pushed himself up from his sitting position and walked to his left to take a bath. _Tonight is the night, Miaka…_

~ * @@@ * ~

The scenes are so ironic. While Tamahome is whistling happily right now inside the bathroom, Miaka is doing the death march. _I know that today, my love for one of them will have to die… or I would be in confusion forever and I won't be able to love one of them whole-heartedly. The love that a person you're going to spend your lifetime with deserves._ She raised her head and took a deep breath to clear her mind. Each step she took towards Hotohori's room is like tearing a part of her away while fulfilling the other part of her heart. She balled her fists and closed her eyes tightly, trying to conjure an answer as to who does her heart really belong. _Oh, Suzaku, give me strength. _Something snapped at the back of her head that made her open her eyes. _Somebody said that line before… I don't know! _She heaved another sigh. _Why is it that I'm putting color to everything that comes into my mind? _She pulled on her hair, exasperated. 

As she did that, Nuriko passed by. "Ouch! Easy girl!" Palm rubbing on the forehead. "Even though I can carry a rock with just one hand that doesn't mean I'm made of steel or something…" His or rather _her --- whatever!--- _voicefaltered, seeing the troubled look on Miaka's normally cheerful features.

It took a moment for Miaka to digest who she just hit with her elbow. "Oh it's you, Nuriko." She patted down her tangled hair. "I'm sorry but I'm just so spaced out today."

Miaka tried to look and sound buoyant but she couldn't fool Nuriko. "There you go again, Miaka." Nuriko said with that "motherly" voice of his. He crossed his arms in front when Miaka tried to deny what he's already suspecting she's feeling. "When will you ever learn that you can't always deny what you're feeling, may it be sad or happy, especially in front of me?"

"Nuriko, I'm fine." She saw the look of determination and firmness in his eyes that's telling her that Nuriko will not believe in any of her excuses. Still, she persisted. "I'm no open book. Besides, I just lack sleep." Miaka gave Nuriko a weary smile to show that she is sleepy and continued walking when Nuriko didn't say anything. "See 'ya!'" She waved as she shifted into a jog.

Nuriko just stared at her retreating form with a knowing frown. _You can't always be happy, Miaka._

~ * @@@ * ~

Tamahome toweled the last drop of water on his body and went out of the bathroom, wrapping his towel around his hips. As he was getting dressed, a knock came from his door followed by a crash. Tamahome swirled around to see who it was. "Nuriko!" He exclaimed, annoyed, his face reddening since he hasn't tied the string of his undergarment yet. He hastliy finished it.

"Ooops! Sorry. Guess I forgot my own strength." He giggled that girlish giggle, covering her mouth.

"Yeah, remind me next time to tell you every now and then that when you come barging toward the door, do it softly." He turned his back and continued to put his clothes on. He finds it confusing at times on how to react around Nuriko. He couldn't quite push a button on when to consider Nuriko a man and when to treat him --- _her_--- like a lady.

"Oh pish-posh!" Nuriko waved a hand in front of his face dismissively. "I'm a man too, you know."

Tamahome turned to face him, buttoning his shirt as he did. "That's the problem! I don't know when to treat you like a man or a girl." He pointed out, voicing what he had just been thinking.

"That's no problem. You can treat me either way, I don't care." He shrugged his shoulders in a carefree way. "I'm both anyway."

"Oh yeah? Then why did you imply that I consider you a man just now when you're telling me you don't care." Tamahome reasoned out, hands on hips.

"Really, Tamahome? So that's why you turned beet red." Nuriko batted her eyelashes and seductively struck a pose by the door. "Tamahome…" He teased.

"Knock it off, already. Just tell me the reason why you're here." Tamahome squared his shoulders and crossed his arms in front of his chest, ready to listen. He looked straight to Nuriko's eyes as if challenging him to come up with a good excuse.

Those words brought Nuriko back to reality as to the reason why he came to Tamahome's room. "Oh, I was just meaning to ask you why Miaka told me she lacked sleep last night." A mischievous sparkle came to his eyes. "Did you get some action last night?" He eyed Tamahome's reaction intently.

Tamahome laughed. "No but I wish we did. Even though, why would I tell you anything anyway?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, for the reason that I am your friend and can be trusted." Nuriko did a little bow on the waist. 

"In a couple of years, maybe." He made one final touch with his appearance. "Anyway, even if I'm obliged to talk to you right now, I have to go. I have a very important matter to undertake." He patted Nuriko on the shoulder and strode out of the room.

~ * @@@ * ~

A hand softly caressed the creased photo of a man dressed in black. Affectionately tracing a line across his handsome features, a small bittersweet smile formed at the corners of her mouth. Suddenly, the hand shook. Slowly at first but as seconds tick by, the trembling doubled. A lone tear splattered exactly on the face of the man. Another tear fell, then another and another until the picture was in smudges, especially around the face. The crying grew a little louder. As if unaware of the tears at first, seeing what has happened with the pic, the hand immediately wiped the photo dry. The effort was not paid for the photo is now spoiled. Choking back a sob, she scolded herself for not being too careful. She raised the picture up to the light. All she can make out was the background, which is as good as nothing at all. _The only thing I have of him is now destroyed…_ Tears started to well up in her eyes again. She stood up, clutching the picture to her heart and glanced out the window. All was a blur for tears continuously rolled down her cheeks as if they had a will of their own. _You don't know how much you mean to me…_ The clear blue cloudless sky outside with nature in its loveliest was a sharp contrast to her stormy heart. The hand around the photo clenched into a fist, her expression changed from heartsick to revengeful determination. _But I won't give up that easily. _A negligible smile showed itself._ I will not…_

Author's Notes: 

C'mon, review it so that I may know if you, the readers, like it. I already have the whole story made up in my mind and all I need is encouragement. And believe me, this story is different from the others. You won't find anything like it. *-* And yeah, I don't own Fushigi Yuugi so don't sue me.


	3. The Moment

Author's Notes: (Jan. 19, 2002)

I've uploaded this to html format. ^_^ And also changed my name to g3ozLizh. Much thanks to all the signed authors who reviewed!

Author's Notes: 

Yup, I sort of changed my name from g3oz to g3ozL!zh. Hope you don't mind. Anyway, I'll write the chapter 3 of the story for I may not get any free time on weekdays… school stuff. But don't worry, I'll try to update it every free time I've got. To Jurie, thanks for the review. *_* 

Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own FY.

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Still Loving You… 

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By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 3

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_Am I really that predictable? And… and readable --- if that's really the appropriate term_ for _it?_ Miaka slowed down to try to catch up with her breath. She had been nervous that Nuriko would try to run after her and ask her questions, ones that she doesn't want to answer. As she rounded a corner, she caught a glimpse of Hotohori's chamber_. _

It's really going to happen… She bit down on her lower lip to keep it from quivering. _I don't really have the final decision yet but I know that I have to choose one of them. I can't keep both of them waiting forever. And I've been postponing the answer to that question_. She sighed resolutely. 

__

I think I know the answer but I just can't admit it to myself… Oh, how selfish I am! I want both of them so badly that I'm afraid to choose. Afraid to get hurt… but what kind of girl doesn't? She had been closing her eyes that she didn't notice she was only 3 feet away from the room until she caught a smell… that calming aroma which could only come from _his_ room. Miaka's eyes snapped open and so did her pace. She could feel her heart hammering against her rib cage so hard, she wouldn't think it impossible if it jumped out of her system. Finally, after berating herself, she took a step, slowly… quietly… then another until simultaneously. Clutching her heart, she whispers, "Oh, Hotohori. I'm _so_ sorry…"

~ * @@@ * ~

Just as Hotohori was about to go to Miaka's room, a knock resounded from the door. Hotohori held his breath. _Miaka… _Eyes glued to the door, he waited to hear her voice. And so he did.

"Hotohori? Can…" As if hesitating, "…can I come in?" Miaka's softhearted voice floated through the door. 

_Miaka…_ Hotohori's eyes never blinked, just staring directly at the door.

When he didn't answer, Miaka's worriedly asked, "Hotohori?"

At the sound of her voice again, he snapped out of his little reverie, blinking a few times. "Yes, yes, Miaka. You can come in. I've been waiting --- _forever_, he thought silently ---for you." He took a step forward, almost awkwardly, as he didn't know what to do. There was a pause so when he was about to open the door himself, Miaka emerged from it. He caught his breath. He had never seen Miaka so beautiful as she appears now. Her normally pale cheeks were flushed pink, making her look more delicate than she already is. Her warm chocolate brown eyes glittered softly, as if she had been crying. _Had she? Am I causing her pain?_

A pained look crossed Hotohori's features and Miaka, noticing it, flinched. _Isn't he happy to see me? Can he read what's on my mind?_ Miaka shuddered, thinking of what that means if she really was correct. _Then maybe Nuriko was right. I can't hide anything._ They just stared at each other. _So that would mean that I don't have to say anything. At least it would lessen the pain I know would be there once I say those words._

_What is she thinking? _Not having a moment to loose, Hotohori closed the gap between them, running, opening his arms as he did. "Miaka…"

At this, Miaka met him in the center and fell into his arms. Hot tears, which she had been bottling up, streamed down her cheeks.

Hotohori felt so happy for Miaka was in his arms that it took him a moment longer to realize that Miaka was crying. Because at the instant Miaka was in his arms, he forgot she wasn't his yet. He pushed her head up with his chest, making her look up. The face that confronted him depleted all his dreams and hopes. _This isn't how she is suppose to react…unless…_

Hotohori had been staring blankly at her that at the moment she mentioned his name, he blinked his eyes and focused it on her. She dropped her gaze and gently broke away from Hotohori's embrace. Back towards him, she spoke, "Hotohori," Silently adding, _I don't know how to say this._ "you have been very good to me." She sniffed, bracing herself as if the temperature went suddenly cold. "And… and…" Her voice shook and ended up sobbing.

Hotohori knew what was about to happen so he placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her _This may be the last time I get to touch her._ Even though it was breaking his heart to know the unspoken answer. "I love Tamahome more." But to hear her say it was unbearable. His hands dropped to his sides and, silently, tears of yearning and rejection flowed freely down his cheeks.

Miaka suddenly turned around to face the man she wouldn't be able to love anymore. "I'm so sorry, Hotohori." Her tearful eyes were pleadingly looking at him to face her_. Please look at me, Hotohori… Please, look at me._

When Hotohori did look up, it was enough to crush her heart. For the man who was usually so calm and composed was gazing at her with a face full of sadness and pain. Greater than she had ever seen him in. Seeing this, Miaka flung her arms around him and embraced him tightly. Voice trembling, "Please forgive, Hotohori…" She pressed her tearful face against Hotohori's chest.

"I understand, Miaka." He lifted her chin up with his finger. He smiled down sadly at her. "Tamahome sure is a lucky man. I know that you would be very happy with him." _But you can also be happy with me._ He wanted to add. _Why him? Why not just me?_ But he knew that he should not sound so dejected for Miaka's sake for he couldn't bear to see her crying. _For you, Miaka, I'd endure anything… even if it's ripping me apart._

"Oh, Hotohori…" A small bittersweet smile formed at the corners of her mouth. "Thank you." She blinked once and a lone tear fell on her already wet cheek.

They just stared at each other like that for what seemed like eternity, arms around each other, memorizing each detail, each feature, whatever they could about each other at the little time they have left and engraving it in their minds and hearts. They know that this would be last sweet memory they will have together, along with the other memories that each of them will treasure for life. 

Finally, Hotohori spoke. "Miaka, would it be okay to… to kiss you one last time and to say I love you?"

Miaka nodded, trembling with unexplained emotions --- emotions that she didn't know she harbored.

So with her consent, Hotohori leaned down, bringing his lips closer to the woman he _loved _but will love forever. At the touch of his lips on hers, Miaka's whole body quivered, melting in his warm embrace. _Such strong feelings for him and yet… I can't show that feeling back. Not anymore…_ In between kisses, Hotohori would whisper I love yous and Miaka just can't help kissing him back. It's as if they're doing everything now to fill those years to come that they're not together anymore.

When the kissing stopped, Miaka felt the heavy burden being lifted away but also replaced by an emptiness in her heart that she knew would never be fulfilled. _You'll find someone special, Hotohori. One that will love you more than I do._ Miaka slightly flinched but accepted the thought anyway.

"Be happy, Miaka." Hotohori smiled kindly, gently wiping the last tear away.

Miaka nodded, smiling. "I will."

With one last look, Miaka broke away from the embrace and ran. Ran to newfound happiness… ran to whatever it is that awaited her. _Tamahome…_

Author's Notes:

Yes, I have to say something again. Don't think that this is it already. The story hasn't even really started yet. Just hang on in there. What is to come will be juicier. Trust me. *_* So 'till next time. Sayonara!


	4. Still Loving You 4

Still Loving You...  
By: g3ozL!zh  
  
Author's Notes: To all Hotohori fans, don't think that I am dead set on pairing Miaka with Tamahome. I have a couple   
twists in my mind. Just stick around and I know that both Hotohori and Tamahome lovers alike will  
not regret reading this story.   
  
Disclaimer: Here I go again... I don't own FY but I wish someone generous enough would give it to me. ^_^  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"Hmmm...mmm...hmmm..." Tamahome hummed a few notes as he strolled along the busy streets of Konan. Hands on pockets, he nodded to several people who greeted him, recognizing that he is one of the Suzaku warriors. As he rounded a corner, he spotted the little shop that he went to last night where he spied a beautiful necklace, just the right gift to give to Miaka during his proposal. I was unfortunate not to get it last night. He quickened his pace, determined to have it this time. But now, it's going to be in my hands.   
The store's little bells above the door clinked with one another, making a soft, light melodious sound as Tamahome entered. A middle-aged man greeted him with a smile, leaning behind a counter. "How may I help you?"  
Stopping just in front of the jewelry counter, Tamahome said, "How much is that necklace by the window?" He turned around the waist just a bit to point out the necklace. It was of a rare milky white pearl that blushes a glittering pink under the light. At its center is a small diamond drop to make the finishing touch. It looks exquisite!  
"Ah, nice choice you got there. That necklace costs 88 gold coins." The man smiled broadly, his eyes crinkling at the sides.   
Boy! That's a lot of money. But for Miaka, it's worth it! He smiled at the thought. Focusing back to the man, he exclaimed, "I'll take it!" He produced the money form his pocket.  
Taking the money, the man went and got the necklace out from the show window. Placing it inside a delicately carved wooden box, he gave it to Tamahome. "Must be for someone very special, I suppose?"  
Tamahome, entranced by the thing he was holding, took a moment longer for him to notice that the man was talking to him. Looking up abruptly, he said, "Yes... yes, indeed!" He then walked out of the shop. I can't hardly wait.  
  
~ * @@@ * ~  
  
Miaka went back to her room when she found out that Tamahome went out earlier. She laid down on her bed and tried to absorb everything that had happened just this morning. I had finally made my decision. She only smiled a little, thinking about the sadness Hotohori must be feeling right now. Feeling lost once again, she decided to go to the west side pavilion to have a time to think and clear out the fog that's forming in her mind. She went on a leisure walk, taking her time, trying to feel the gentle caress of the wind against her skin. Ahh... this is relaxing.   
When she arrived at the pavilion, she found a nice spot to sit on. Bracing her legs towards her chest, she let her eyes wander over the natural beauty of the site. I'm so thankful Hotohori and Tamahome doesn't have to have a sword fight over me. But deep down inside, a voice was telling her that she did want to try to see who will win between them. No! That would mean the death of the other. I wouldn't want that and neither would the others. She sighed, leaning her chin on her closed fist. She can't help but feel that even though she is now *free*, the sadness inside of her was overwhelming. What! Don't tell me that I made a big mistake back there. Miaka shook her head persistently. A headache was forming so she stopped. ...or did I? Aggravated with herself, she decided to lean on the tree just behind her, to get a few winks before she go and try to see Tamahome again. Just as she was drowsing off, she heard a twig snap and rustling of the bushes. She sat bolt upright and looked to her left and right. When she found nothing, she whispered to herself, "That's strange. Who would be crazy enough to hide from me?" She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. Maybe just one of the servant guards who thought he was disturbing my privacy. When she touched her chin, she found it to be with saliva. "Or maybe he did." She grinned, not caring in the world that she, the Maiden of Suzaku, would be caught dead drooling. It's not my fault anyway and I don't usually drool when I sleep. I guess I didn't expect that I was *this* sleepy. Getting up and dusting off the blades of grass that stuck to her dress, she decided to go back to her room. Then maybe I'll go check on Tamahome again. She brightened up a little at the thought. He's just what I need to lighten up my day. With that, she skipped the way back to the palace.  
  
~ * @@@ * ~  
  
After what seemed like infinity, Hotohori decided to get out of his room. He felt like he was choking inside. Maybe I am. True, he had given up Miaka even though it was against his will but that doesn't mean that everything's alright now. I shouldn't have... but... But what can he do? It was pretty obvious that Miaka loved Tamahome more than him and wasn't it Miaka who told him that one can't force somebody to feel something if he doesn't feel anything? Or something like that. His mind was in jumbles. Closing his eyes and trying to massage his throbbing temples, he tried his best to relax, even just a little. But of course, it was pretty obvious that *that* would be a very hard thing to do right now, considering what had just happened to him. And to my whole life, for that matter. He sarcastically added. I've let it happen --- ended whatever Miaka and I had once, for goodness sake! It will probably take me years to forget about her. He sighed forlornly. Another headache *materialized* in his head. It took him a couple of seconds to ease the pain. Yeah, and my councils will start to bother me again about having an empress. The headache subsided a bit after a few massage. He chuckled half-heartedly. If only I can do that to my aching heart and the pain will subside. He realized that he had been thinking a lot lately so when he tried to center his mind on the surroundings, he realized that he still hadn't moved from where he sat. Yes, he did decide to go out but that's it --- he just decided --- he didn't actually do it. Now I'm losing control over my brain. As he stood up and took a deep breath, he felt a fresh pang of pain in his heart. It was like as if, if he took one step forward, he would be one step nearer to actually accepting the fact that Miaka can never be his anymore. A step would mean that he have to move on, *without* her. Can I? Can I really go on? Okay, maybe he can do the stuff that he usually do... but does that mean that he had moved on? Is being able to do things that you usually do, monotonously and mechanically, as if you're only doing it because you have to, without your usual enthusiasm --- meant that you've actually moved on with your life? He looked out the window, stared at a dove flying form tree to tree, butterflies of different colours fluttering around... the answer was crystal clear --- No.  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Don't worry, next chapter will be better. I was just filling the gap.  
  



	5. Still Loving You 5

Still Loving You… ****

Still Loving You…

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By: g3ozL!zh

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Author's Notes: I just corrected some of the grammar here. *_*

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Author's Notes: Thanks, thanks so much for all your reviews. ~% ( a rose for all of you) I wish to have more of them coming. ^,^. You don't know how much you've inspired me to write this fic (sheesh! I'm getting dramatic here…) Anyway, I'll also be doing a fanfic on Rurouni Kenshin and Final Fantasy VIII, so stay tuned. 

Okay, back to business, I may be rating this fic NC-17 later on for I think there might be some… well… intimately HOT scenes. *ahem* Well, that depends if I can write a SENSUAL lovemaking. Anyway, don't worry about that. I won't write those kind of stuff that is all *sounds* and stuff. I'll make it as decent as possible.

Hmmm… I seem to be getting a lot of Hotohori reviews… but it's still too early to tell. Whether Miaka ends up with Hotohori or Tamahome, it will not affect the original flow of my story line. 

OKAY! ENOUGH WITH THIS STUFF!… and oh, yeah, Fushigi Yuugi isn't mine. On with the show!

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Chapter 5

A shadow slowly emerged behind a tree. Within its view is Emperor Hotohori walking out of his room, an unreadable expression plastered on his handsome features. As the Emperor, rounded a corner, out of sight, the shadow stepped out of its hiding place. Slithely, like a snake, it made its way towards the palace.

~ * @@@ * ~

Tamahome ran the way back to the palace, eager to be with Miaka before tonight's proposal. He didn't notice that he just passed by Miaka along the way. Miaka, on the other hand, was very much engrossed with her thoughts that she didn't even acknowledge his footsteps. I'll first go to my room and change. All of a sudden, he noticed that he became more conscious of his appearance in front of Miaka --- well, like right now, for instance. As he came inside his room, he placed down the carved wooden box, which he had been clutching tightly, containing Miaka's gift, on the bed. He then went to a side of his room and changed.

~ * @@@ * ~

As Miaka was contemplating with herself, she came upon what seems to be a dead bunny. Bending over, she noticed that furry white bunny was shivering. Strange… She scratched the back of her head. It's not that cold. She then tried to see if it was injured in any way but found nothing, not even a scratch. Of course, being Miaka, she didn't even try to observe if the bunny was filthy or not. She just took a hold of it as if it was the most sanitized thing in the world.Poor thing. She glanced at the bunny on her arms. Whatever happened to you, I'll try to see what best I can do to treat you. Just as she was standing up, the bunny leaped out from her grasp and scuttled among the bushes. "Hey! Where are you going? Come back here! You're not well. She chased after the bunny but after a few seconds, she lost sight of it. "Okay! If you won't come to me, I'm going to find you myself!" She pushed up her sleeves and went on all fours, crawling. "Bunny, bunny, where are you?…" I should tell Hotohori about this. She thought, grinning. 

~ * @@@ * ~

Pausing in front of Miaka's room, Tamahome tried to compose himself, slowing down his racing heartbeat. After a few seconds, he straightened himself up and was about to knock on the door when he heard some murmuring inside. Brows furrowing, he carefully turned the knob, opening the door by a couple of inches. Sticking his head in, what he saw almost made him drop his body to the floor. There, right before his very eyes, was Miaka in the arms of Hotohori, locked in a passionate kiss, nonetheless. They were so immersed with what they were doing that they didn't even notice Tamahome gasp. Tamahome wanted to tear his look away from the *couple* but it was like as if the mere sight of them was magnet. A shot of pain rose in his heart. Eyes unblinking, he saw Hotohori slowly sliding his hand to Miaka's rear, never taking his lips off of hers. And the worst thing happened. He heard a soft moan coming from Miaka's throat. Having seen much *more* than enough, he closed the door and leaned against it, in a state of shock. Barely thinking anything but the sight he just saw, hot tears started to escape freely form the depths of his eyes. He just stood there, for what seemed to him like years of betrayal. Unaware, Tamahome's hand closed into a very tight fist that his veins were bulging out. Memories of Miaka and him started to replay in his mind, as *if* it found the *right* time to show itself. He can hear Miaka saying "I love you" to him, of the many times they had been together. The promises that each of them made and swore to keep… what was that all about? A cover-up? For what? Did Miaka really love him or was she just so scared, being a Maiden and having to face a lot of danger, that since Tamahome was the one always by her side, she had gone closer and dependent on him? Maybe, just maybe, if Emperor Hotohori was there too, would she had fallen in love with the Emperor instead? Tamahome have to admit that Hotohori was more than the gentleman that he was --- kind, caring, calm, understanding, of royalty… *a gentleman in every way*… All that I am not? Tamahome will not deny that he does lose his temper every now and then and teases Miaka mercilessly. Come to think about it, I never did ask her how she felt at those times I treated her. But didn't she know that he was just playing around? That it was one way for him to express how he feels about her. Summarizing it all, Hotohori is wealthy --- an emperor, for heaven's sake, *beautiful*, loving, patient… what girl in her right mind would reject him over some lowly guy living in a small cottage and earning little money? Now he is doubting everything he believed in and was proud of. After a while, he finally found his senses, even if only to say something in his head. Miaka, how could you? Was what we had together meant nothing to you? As if in reply, Miaka sensually breathed out the name, "Hotohori…" Heart ripped apart, dreams and hopes shattered, Tamahome ran. Ran as fast as his legs can take him. Blinded by tears, blinded by love, blinded by pain, Tamahome stumbled many times as he ran… and his last thoughts were that of, Miaka…

Aothor's Notes: Chapter 6 is up next!


	6. Still Loving You 6

HIYA ALL! I'M HYPER TODAY COZ I'M SOOOO HAPPY! I CAN NOW LOG IN. WHAT A RELIEF AFTER A VERY LONG WAIT & EMAILING SUPPORT FANFICTION FOR HELP. DUE TO THE FACT THAT I'M SO GLAD, I'M VERY EAGER TO GO ON WITH THE STORY. SO READ & REVIEW PLS (I ACCIDENTALLY CHECKED THE NO ANONYMOUS REVIEW BUTTON.. HEHE) NOW YOU CAN REVIEW. SO SEND THEM ALL IN! THANKS FOR THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WENT THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE JUST SO YOU CAN READ MY STORIES. A FLYING KISS, CATCH!  
  
READ ON, I MADE A FEW CHANGES. IF THE ITALIC PROPERTY DOESN'T WORK, I MAY JUST CHANGE THIS TO HTML FORM.  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry it took me soooooo long to update this story. Besides the fact that Fanfiction.net was down for like about a  
  
week, I was pretty much tied down by my schoolwork. Whew! Thanks so much for all your reviews and encouragement!  
  
Arigatou! *_* (To Dimps-chan, pls send me an email if you've read my note in your guestbook!)  
  
Still Loving You.  
  
By: g3ozL!zh  
  
  
  
Chapter 6  
  
After taking a nice warm bath, Miaka decided to go look for Tamahome. It has been almost a day since the last time she saw him. I miss him already. Miaka wistfully thought, a soft smile on her lips. She came to the decision that it was time for her to go on and forget about her past --- or she might never be truly happy. Hotohori will find someone truly deserving of his love, I'm so sure of it that I can almost feel it coming! A small pang of jealousy followed that thought but she brushed it away, telling herself that it's all for the best.  
  
She stopped just in front of his room and Miaka could already feel the giddiness that was trying to take over her. She clasped her hands together for they were starting to feel clammy. Ok, here it goes. She straightened her shoulders and raised her hand to knock. Once, twice. she waited patiently. After a few moments of silence and when still no Tamahome, she began to feel anxious. Is he sleeping or something? She decided to count one to ten and when he still won't open the door, she's just going to barge in herself. One, two, three. ten!  
  
Door didn't move an inch.  
  
Muttering to herself, "Okay then, if that's how you're going to play it." She slid open the door and was scheming something up to surprise him. "Tamaho." The word died in her mouth as she saw the room empty. Now where could he be? Miaka was starting to loose patience --- and getting exasperated.  
  
She looked around the room and even peered under places where Tamahome couldn't even fit. After minutes of worthless poking-around, she slumped on the edge of the bed, exhaling heavily. Tamahome, where are you? Her brow furrowed, pondering the answer to the question. She couldn't help feeling a bit worried. Before she went to his room, she had heard one of the guards talking about Tamahome-sama walking slowly to his chamber. And from what she'd heard correctly, he was looking pretty pooped out. So Miaka assumed that even after she got dressed, he would still be in his room, maybe sleeping. Yeah, right!  
  
She pushed herself up from the bed and walked towards the door. Having one last glance around the room, as if it can give her some clues as to where her object of desire is, she then slid the door and went out.  
  
~ * @@@ * ~  
  
Miaka knocked hesitantly on Hotohori's --- No! Emperor Hotohori. She corrected herself. She thought that if she start calling him Emperor, it would create a sort of barrier between them, thus, she wouldn't get all. you know. when she mentions his name.  
  
And what would he think if I do that? Hotohori would think that she really wants to completely forget about him and act as if nothing happened between the two. Nope, I don't want that. I could just at least keep my few stolen moments with him in my heart. She couldn't really just forget about him, not ever. Not when she had loved him so much. Hey, what am I thinking? She physically shook her head just to clear her mind. Stop it, okay?  
  
She was so engrossed with what she was thinking that she didn't notice that Hotohori was standing right in front of her, brows creased, staring at her worriedly. It took for Hotohori to raise his hand and the shuffle of his clothes to pull Miaka out of her reverie.  
  
Miaka suddenly looked up and Hotohori's outstretched arm halted midway from where his hand was supposed to land --- on Miaka's shoulder. He dropped his hand to his side.  
  
For a splitting second, their eyes seemed to be relaying a silent message to each other when a soft wind breezed by. soft but it was as if reminding them that they should stop this right now. They both looked away, avoiding each other's gaze, the moment broken.  
  
Hotohori was the one who first broke the silence. He cleared his throat, "Would you like to come in first? It's cold." He stopped hesitantly, thinking if Miaka would misinterpret what he's saying. ".here."  
  
Miaka looked at him and smiled, sort of shyly. "Okay."  
  
Hotohori closed the door behind him. He sat behind his desk, looking at Miaka expectantly, questioningly.  
  
Miaka gave an awkward light laugh and Hotohori almost cringed at how hollow that sounded. "Uhm. I was wondering if." Miaka then thought that maybe it's not really a good idea to ask Hotohori where Tamahome is but then again, she has been asking people around for quite some time now and still not one gave her any idea, not even a hint. ". if you know where. Tamahome is." She bit her lower lip, expecting Hotohori to react or something. but he didn't.  
  
He shook his head. "No, I don't know where he is."  
  
Heavy silence.  
  
The atmosphere was suffocating and the silence deafening.  
  
Bad idea, Miaka. Bad idea. She scolded herself. She looked down to her feet, scrutinizing it and wishing with all her might that the floor would just swallow her up.  
  
"Miaka."  
  
Miaka inhaled sharply. Her heart stopped for the second of a second. She slowly look up, heart thudding against her chest. "Ye-e-es?" She croaked. Ugh! Now he would think that I couldn't be myself around him anymore.  
  
He stood up suddenly. He stared directly into her eyes, as if reaching for her soul, grasping for. the truth.  
  
Miaka's breath caught in her throat as she saw and felt the intense.? She couldn't tell what it is that she's witnessing. All she knows is that, the heat in the room had gone up.  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Uhm. pardon for any mistakes in the details whatsoever. The desk is in Hotohori's study (so they're there right  
  
now). I don't know if a study exist in Ancient China. *Tee-hee!* Not so much happened right? I know you all are quite  
  
disappointed but just stay tuned, there's still more to this. And as I said, things will be getting juicier. @_@ Thank  
  
you, thank you again for your reviews!!!!!! =big grin= 


	7. Still Loving You 7

Author's Note: Here's the new installment to my much awaited (ahem!) fic. *He-he…* Anyway, I've noticed that I'm moving quite 

slow as to the progress of the plot so I decided to just get on with the _real_ story. No need to dwell on the minimal 

things. I may reach 20 chapters or more if I will. _ Look to your right, my note ends here! I won't be boring you 

with long notes! 

Also, why is it that my fic in doc format, its italic property doesn't work? Can anyone tell me? I'll really be grateful!

Just email me at caress149@white-star.com. And yeah, I changed my email add. I'm also starting to build a site of my

own so tips on where to get great stuff for it are most welcome! --- Okay, okay! I get it! 

Sorry, I kept you from reading the story again. I'll _really_ stop talking now. *_*

Disclaimers: Can I borrow Fushigi Yuugi? Really?! Thanks! Yeah, I know, it's not mine.

Still Loving You…

__

By: g3ozL!zh

Chapter 7

Miaka felt her heart hammer like a racehorse. She wanted the tension to be broken. _If only I can take my eyes away from Hotohori._ But she can't. She felt rooted to the spot. _I thought we're over this already?_ A voice at the back of her head added, _Duh! How can you assume everything will be back to normal? It hasn't even been a day yet._

"Miaka…?"

She brought back her attention to Hotohori. "Yes?" _That went out right. But it sounded more like a gush of air. _Then she realized that she had been holding her breath. _Oh, me! _

Hotohori had this funny expression on his face. "I was just going to ask you if you want some… tea?" 

Miaka stared at Hotohori as if he'd grown another head.

_I can't tell her. I made a promise to myself… to her. _

For a moment there, Hotohori had looked serious. Miaka's brow creased. _What's going on? For a minute there I thought he was going to say something… but not this. _He now had a faraway look on his face. _Tea? _Miaka chuckled silently, relaxing a bit. If the situation was any different, she could have just laughed out loud at the funny --- _weird_ --- turn of events.

When she saw that Hotohori was out from his reverie, she answered. "Okay!" _Wasn't that too cheerful?_

Hotohori was a bit taken a back by her sudden outburst. He flinched a bit but then after a moment, he smiled. 

~ * @@@ * ~

Hotohori just dimissed whatever it was that he was about to say so off goes Miaka from the room, feeling a little better that Hotohori's (enough with the _Emperor_ thing) willing to help find Tamahome. Where could he be off to? _That man, the first thing I'm going to do when I find him is pound him to bits!_ Miaka softened as she came by a thought. _Of course! Not before I give him a big, rib-crushing hug. _That seemed to lighten up her mood a bit.

~ * @@@ * ~

So on Miaka went with her life, the thought that any day now, Tamahome would be knocking on her door and giving her a pathetic excuse for disappearing all of a sudden. Deep down, Miaka can't help but feel a sense of foreboding. She can't ignore the feeling that kept gnawing her heart… something's _not_ right. Knowing Miaka, she tried to act too cheerful than she really is. Partly because she doesn't want to dwell too much on that thought, _My imagination must be running wild again… I'm hungry. _And partly for the fact that she doesn't want to alarm anybody, that she thinks she's going mad with all the nightmares she's been having.

__

I'm fine, nothing's wrong. It's only been… she paused as if to count the days, but it was more like dreading it. _… three days_, she finally said. Tamahome hadn't been away from her for that long without a very valid reason. _Really, I'm okay…_

Was she ever wrong. Weeks, months had passed and still no sign of Tamahome, not even a _word_ about him. He seemed to have just disappeared into thin air. When Miaka couldn't hold the bottle of emotions anymore, she broke down and cried.

~ * @@@ * ~

"Your Highness," One of his trusted servants suddenly came rushing toward him. He recognized that this was Keika Sodiro. 

The guards automatically blocked her way. "Show some respect, commoner."

Keika tried to get past the guards. "Please, I need to talk to His Excellency," Her face was a picture of both anxiousness and excitement. "I have information about Master Tamahome's whereabouts."

At this, Hotohori rose from his throne chair. "Let her pass."

A grateful look crossed her expression. She stared at the guards as if to question her intentions but the guards were back to their posts. She then walked hurriedly towards Hotohori and made a swift bow. The news in her is ready to burst. "Emperor Hotohori," She paused to catch her breath. Beaming, she concisely told Hotohori the news, the latter listening very intently.

"So you see, Emperor Hotohori, Tamahome's still in the neighboring countries. My brother's just unfortunate not to catch him."

"Thank you, Keika," He gestured to one of the guards. Seeing the questioningly look on her features, he said, "I'll be talking to Miaka now."

"Oh, right. Okay!" The young vibrant girl of sixteen then skipped her way out of the palace. She seemed to b e very pleased with herself --- _… just like Miaka was._ For the past few months, Miaka seemed not to be herself, always in her own world and her cheerfulness was forced. She ate less and loss a considerable weight. It tugged at Hotohori's heart to see her in such condition and blamed himself for not trying hard enough to make her laugh again. 

__

But Suzaku, you know how much I tried, you saw it all. He placed a hand over his forehead, brows creased. _Nothing I do seems to be enough for her. When will I ever realize that I can never the one who can fill that big hole in her heart, the one that Tamahome brought with him as he left._ He quickened his pace, suddenly energized by the news he held. _But not anymore, Miaka. I won't be the bearer of bad news for you. I won't anymore speak to you every night with that hopeful expression on your face just to be shattered by the words:_ Still no news about him, Miaka. _I have just the thing to cheer you up. _For the first time in this past few months, Hotohori felt better. 

~ * @@@ * ~

Miaka, for the millionth time, was again staring at the picture if her and Tamahome. So frequent was this that she memorized every crease, every detail there was to it. Given the right equipment, she can draw it with eyes closed. Suddenly, there came a knock on the door. Miaka hastily stuffed the picture under her covers and wiped the stray tears on her cheeks. She heaved a deep breath, trying to clear her mind and her throat. "Come in."

The door opened.

Miaka was not surprised to see Hotohori. It was almost a routine for them. "Oh, Hotohori, it's you." Miaka used all the energy she had left to force some life into her smile. She was almost disappointed to see that it was only Hotohori and not Tamahome --- _Oh, stop it! What gave you the idea that it would be him?_ --- but pleased at the same time. If there was one person who never got tired of cheering her up and believed that there's still hope in her, it was Hotohori.

Hotohori can easily detect the fog of depression in the room. He ignored it and reminded himself that no sooner than later, the happy rate of this room will go up. 

Miaka hopelessly tried to straighten her uncombed red locks. It really isn't necessary. Hotohori had seen her in a much worse state but it wouldn't be also bad to at least do an effort to look presentable in front of him. He's the Emperor of Konan, after all and she, the Maiden of Suzaku. Her hair didn't obey her and now it looked uglier that before. In her peripheral vision, she saw Hotohori smile. She glanced at him and smiled sheepishly.

Hotohori walked toward her and she was suddenly conscious of her what she was wearing --- her white uniform blouse. But Hotohori seemed to be oblivious to this and Miaka noticed for the first time since he entered the room, that his expression was light, not somber. Not the usual face that greeted her every time he informs her of the current Tamahome case. She stopped right there. _Waitaminute! _Her eyes widened with the slight flicker of hope and excitement. _Could this mean ---_

"Good news, Miaka." Hotohori smiled down at her. 

She stared back, breathlessly waiting for the next few words that might just turn her life right back on track.

"Tamahome was just recently seen on one of the nearby countries and I have a team fol --- "

Not waiting for the sentence to end, Miaka flung herself onto Hotohori's arms, barely suppressing her new-found happiness. Had this news been given to her months earlier, she would not be exhibiting this kind of reaction but after all those fruitless attempts on finding Tamahome, the news couldn't be better.

Miaka hugged him tightly before pulling away to look at him in the face. 

_She's smiling again._ The sparkle was slowly returning to her eyes and the color of life creeping towards her pale cheeks.

In that short span of time, of good news, Hotohori almost completely forgot his own feelings for Miaka.

Author's Notes: Oi, people! Another chapter finished. Hi, there, Dimps-chan! In case you didn't read your guestbook, yes, I agree 

to your posting my fic in your site. Arigatou! Anyway, I hope I'm not boring the readers with my stories. _ And 

before I forgot, for those of you who couldn't review the chapters due to my stupidity (I accidentally enabled the no-

anonymous review button), you can come back and review it again. Onegai. I really want to know what you guys think.

Domo arigatou!!!! 


	8. Still Loving You 8

Author's Notes:

Weeee!!! Reviews! Reviews! Keep 'em coming, guys! I'm feeding on them to Live. (turns monstrous) Mwahahaha! *Pop!* (then turns into the cutest chibi) *Munch, munch* These reviews are delicious! Best reviews I've ever tasted. *Tee-hee* What can I say? I get all the encouragement from all of you to get this fic going. *Sigh* ^_____^ *Big grin* Okay, just hang on there, people! 

Disclaimer: How much is that Fushigi Yugi on the window? What?! Not for sale? Too bad then, I can't have it.

(Yeah, I know! Corny. But I need a new disclaimer look.)

Still Loving You…

__

By: g3ozL!zh

Chapter 8

"C'mon, Hotohori!" Miaka pulled on Hotohori's clothes. "We gotta hurry! I don't want to waste another minute of my precious life moping around, feeling sorry for myself."

Hotohori glanced down at the over-excited Maiden, smiling amusingly. "In a minute, Miaka."

Miaka let go of his clothes and turned around, taking in the beauty of the west-side pavilion, sighing happily. "You don't know how much this means to me, Hotohori. You doing everything in your power to find Tamahome.

__

For you.

"You've showered me with all your time and comforted me all the times when I was down. You gave me everything and yet you don't ask anything in return." Miaka dropped her head and toyed the ground with her foot, as if she's shy all of a sudden. 

__

You, Miaka. That's all I ask. He just stared at Miaka's back wistfully, a taint of longing and sadness reflected in the dark pools of his eyes. He never dared to say it out loud. They are almost over it, it's not good to bring it all up, not when she's so eager to meet with her love… to find her true happiness…

__

A girl like me isn't deserving to have such a very giving and understanding friend. After all the trouble that I've caused him, just to find Tamahome… At that moment, Miaka felt a tug at her heart. Guilt? She brushed it off quickly, not wanting to be in between her confused (…? Maybe even now still) feelings. _Hotohori had accepted my decision and it would be unthinkable for me to remind him of _that _when he had gone through so much just to get over it. _She shook her head, absently drawing circles on the ground. _No, it is better left unsaid._

"What is on your mind, Miaka?"

Miaka's head shot up and she turned around to face him, a sheepish smile on her lips. "Oh, nothing!" She covered her mouth with her fingers. "You know, just basking in this new day, a different, better day!" _Ooh, boy! There I go again. If I don't get all depressive, I think too much._

Hotohori gave him a half-amused and half-quizzical smile.

__

And when trying to wield myself out of it, I end up too perky for my own good justifying my actions.

Hotohori opened his mouth to say something when Nuriko's voiced interrupted whatever it is he was about to say.

"Hey, there, you two!" He waved wildly from his position at the bridge. "The horses are ready!"

Miaka grinned wildly, clasping her hands together in front of her chest.

"Okay, we'll be there, shortly." Hotohori called out. 

"Okay!" Nuriko gave them a thumbs-up and walked out of sight.

Turning to Miaka, he offered his hand, smiling. "Shall we begin?"

Miaka's grin grew wider. "Shall we ever!"

As they walked towards the gates, Hotohori couldn't stop thinking about Miaka's sudden cheerful attitude. _She has really had her hopes up for this. Us successfully finding Tamahome._ It scared him to think what the effect would be on Miaka if they turned up empty-handed. He prayed a silent prayer to Suzaku, that they will indeed find Tamahome this time.

~ * @@@ * ~

"No, I'll stay here by myself if you guys want to go ahead!"

"Miaka, it's too dark now. We will never find him at this rate." Hotohori tried to talk some sense into the stubborn girl. "It's dangerous here."

"No!" Miaka exclaimed like for the tenth time. She snapped her head to the side, away from Hotohori's vision. "This is the place, right? Tamahome couldn't have gone that far. I'll keep looking for him then." She started walking. They have long gone left the horses and decided it would be easier to go on foot.

Hotohori pulled her back. "Wait!"

"What?!" Miaka stared up at him, a little annoyed now. Her feet are tired, she feels itchy all over and Hotohori won't let her be. 

The young Emperor gave her a pleading look. "Let's continue tomorrow. I'm sure it will lead us to more clues as to where Tamahome really is."

"You yourself told me that Tamahome could have gone for miles already so I really can't afford more chances and time to slip by me."

"Yeah, that's why it's fruitless to go through with this search this time." Hotohori reasoned out for the last time.

"No! It's more fruitless if we give up now." Miaka's expression took on a frantic look. He clutched at Hotohori's shirt, shaking him a little. "What if we don't ever get another chance such as this?" 

Now Hotohori was sure that Miaka is really in no condition to push through with the search. He was starting to get really worried. It may not have been a very good move to let Miaka join in with the search. She's been on edge and pursuing on instincts through the entire search. Yet, Hotohori's voice was calm and firm as he spoke, "We will, Miaka." He looked right through her eyes, willing her to give in. "Now let's go." He turned towards the path leading to the exit of the forest, gently pulling her with him.

"Let go!" Miaka forcefully wrenched her wrist from Hotohori's grasp. She was then off on her heels, running through the thick forest, Hotohori chasing after her closely.

"Miaka, wait!"

"If you don't want me to find Tamahome, then fine! I'll go find him myself!"

"No! That's not it!" What was Miaka thinking? 

An arrow suddenly shot out of nowhere. It didn't seem to be targeting onto anybody but nevertheless, there still might be many others.

"Look out!"

Miaka stopped and turned around, unaware of the speeding arrow. 

"No, go! Run!" 

Miaka stared dumb-foundedly at him. "What?!" _First he chases me to ---_

Then she saw it. Miaka tried to escape from its range. Unfortunately, the arrow bore right through her shoulder. She staggered in pain.

"No! Miaka!"

She fell into a heap on the ground.

~ * @@@ * ~

From the door, Hotohori watched Miaka as she slept, brows creasing his fine features. _God, I thought I nearly lost you, Miaka._ He quietly walked towards the bed and held Miaka's limp hands. He caressed the porcelain skin with his thumb, noticing its lack of color. _At least its warm, that's a sign that she's gonna be alright._ He kneeled beside the bed, not bothering to use the chair available. Gently, as if handling a very fragile glass, he smoothened Miaka's forehead, gazing lovingly at the sleeping form. At least he doesn't have to hide his feelings for now. 

Miaka would have scolded him if he ever thought of her as that of a fragile glass --- she's anything but fragile --- why, she's about one of the most courageous girls he'd ever known and met. Hotohori mused at that. That was one of the characteristics that attracted him to Miaka. She's not the girly-girl type of female that gets to be pushed around follows whatever he says or makes her do just because he has the looks and power. Yet, despite all these, she's still able to retain that certain quality in her that makes her all the more captivating --- her innocence. Innocence in a way that sometimes you can call her ignorant but that just drives Hotohori to want to protect her the more. She almost seems to be so unreasonable when she wants to do something. It always seems stupid at first but as one gets to know what she's at, one will come to realize that she's doing this not for her own good but to save others, those close to her heart.

_Like what she just did hours ago._ Hotohori couldn't help but to question himself and wonder if Miaka would have done the same thing she did a while ago just to find him. _I know that I'll never be as close to your heart as he is to you, Miaka. _He bent his head and eyes closed, all the while clasping her hand with both hands. _It's just that, you're the only girl --- _woman_ --- I'd ever felt this way before and I can't just accept the fact that what feels so right can be oh so wrong._ He grasped Miaka's hand tightly. _I'm so sorry, Miaka. I just can't keep that promise I made to you. Tamahome's gone and --- _Realizing what he just thought, he broke away and stood up, frustrated with himself. _What am I thinking?! _He took a deep breath to compose his troubled self. Deciding that it was best to leave for now, he began walking to the door, but not without one last lingering look at Miaka. He then walked towards the door.

"Hotohori…"

Hotohori's hand stopped just before he was bout to push the door and swiveled his head to her direction. He couldn't describe how his heart was beating so fast just to hear her utter his name. He waited breathlessly for any more but none came. Not quite sure if he's disappointed or not, Hotohori exited the room but not before he heard the faint voice saying, "…I'm sorry." 

Author's Notes:

Ack!!! Here I go again. I know I've told you before that I'll go faster with the progress of the story. But I just can't help _elaborating_ on their feelings and emotions. I hope that you're still hanging on there. Bear with me! We'll get to the climacteric point sooner or later. I just want to prolong the angst so that when the happy (??? Maybe, maybe not. Keep your fingers crossed, k?) ending come, a greater sense of joy can be felt (you get what I mean right? Sorry if I sound nonsensical *_*). And again, for the thousandth time (and I think I'll never get tired saying this), thank you for your reviews. 


	9. Still Loving You 9

Author's Notes: 

Hallo, hallo! I'm vewy zowee vfor keeping you guyz vaiting… Anyway, I was uploading my other two stories, ehehe… *laughs sheepishly* Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Uhhmm… this may be a little wee bit late but I have to tell you something. I just sorta forgot to mention it in the first chapters. It's like this: This fic mainly focuses in the love triangle of Hotohori-Miaka-Tamahome. So, the Suzaku seven, all of them are alive, not ghosts, k? And for the Seiryuu seven, they are also alive and kicking, as with Yui Hongo. This is important, remember the events in the first few chapters? I hope you hadn't forgotten about it… partly my fault for not touching the topic . in the previous chapters.

And no, I don't like torturing Miaka… ^_^ 

And yeah, any suggestions, comments or just plain hello, email me at caress149@white-star.com. Sorry to those I haven't replied too, well… But I assure you that each email is well treasured. 

Disclaimer: WATÁKUSHI WA… never mind, I don't know Japanese. I'll just simply say I DON"T OWN FY.

A _VERY_ ROUGH DRAFT

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Still Loving You…

__

By: g3ozL!zh

Chapter 9

As Hotohori was closing the door to Miaka's room, one of the lady servants, Keika Sodiro, was passing by, head bowed.

"Keika."

She stopped and raised her head. "Yes, your Highness?"

"Stay here with Miaka while I'm gone and I want to be assured that she is well attended to. Be sure she takes in her medicine or the poison might resurface again." 

"Yes, your Majesty but if you don't mind me asking…" She stared questioningly at him.

Hotohori gave a slight nod.

"Where are you going, sire?"

"Nowhere. Just to my room." He then turned to live.

~ * @@@ * ~

"Huuuuhhhh… I know this is gonna be a loooong tiresome journey without our powers." Tasuki leaning his arm on a tree, catching his breath.

Chichiri, who was quite ahead of him, turned his head and said, "Quit complaining. Just save your breath. Your continuous yapping drains you of your energy, you know." He then resumed walking with a smile.

"Yeeech! I know this was a bad idea." He straightened up and looked around, searching for a nice spot to lie down and rest. "Hey, why don't we stop for a while. I'm like pooped."

Before Tasuki can take another step, Chichiri called out. "Oh, I don't think that's a good idea. We had a break just few minutes ago, you know. If we keep this up, we're never going to arrive at the palace."

"Spoilsport! I should have known better than to come with an old guy." But he trudged along at a snail's pace, muttering incoherently.

"OOOWW!" He glanced at the rock. 

"Hurry up!"

~ * @@@ * ~

Miaka painfully rolled her head to the side and slowly raised her eyelids. If it was Hotohori she was expecting, she was disappointed. 

The girl smiled, seeing that she's now awake.

Miaka tried her self to smile but it got out to be more like a grimace. "Who are you?"

The girl stood up from her sitting position and gracefully bowed. It reminded Miaka of Yui's mannerisms and she smiled. Almost.

"My name's Keika Sodiro, a servant. Master Hotohori asked me to take care of you for the meantime." She remained standing on her spot.

Miaka just nodded… or what appeared to be a nod.

"It's a good thing that he's also concerned of his own health. He's been slaving himself these past few days you were out cold. I' --- we're all really worried about him. He should not make this any harder for himself, otherwise he'll fall ill. We can't have that, can we?"

It may just be her disoriented mind playing tricks on her but Miaka could have sworn that she could feel something _else_ about this girl. Just the way she was talking just now, telling her… Miaka glanced at the girl again and found her to be smiling sweetly, no trace of anything to prove her thought there. Still, she suddenly felt uncomfortable and wants the girl out of the room as soon as possible.

"Could you go out for a while? I kinda want to change from this awful clothes." She, with all her strength, willed herself to arrive in a sitting position.

At first Keika just stared at her, both amusement and confusion written on her face. "Maybe you meant to say you want to get away from that awful _blanket_." 

It was Miaka's turn to stare quizzically at her. Then she glanced down and realized that indeed, it is the blanket she wants to get away from, not her clothes, for it's the only thing that's covering her. _Again? How many times have I awaken naked in bed just because I was injured or something? Can't they have at least offered me a night shirt? Sheesh! _At that moment, she could have thought of a lot of… _ahem _reasons why she's always stark naked whenever she was treated for something in _Emperor Hotothori's _palace. But due to the many grave things going over her mind and troubled heart, she was not in the mood to even chuckle at that one. 

She clutched the cloth tightly to her body and laughed sheepishly. "Oopsy! I forgot. Anyway, can you shoo now?"

The servant girl went out.

She quickly (in her own _quick_ pace, considering how weak she still felt) got out of the bed. As she shakily stood up, she noticed a piece of thin twig-like wood on the floor, just underneath the wooden table where her medicine, she assumed, is. Curious, she bend over, much to her body's protest, to pick it up. She recognized it as the one that poisoned her and wondered why it was still there and not thrown away. Just as she was about to do it, she noticed something white sticking out. Tugging on it but careful not to tear whatever it is, there slipped a thin paper. A note! 

Tamahome

And a rough sketch of a map with a big X at a certain point.

Miaka's heartbeat quickened. How the paper ever got to fit inside the wood was beyond her but what intrigue's her most was about Tamahome. _Tamahome! Yes, finally, I'll have you back!_ She pressed the paper to her heart. _But who wrote this?_ She glanced at the now crumpled note. 

Tamahome

_Is it from Tamahome himself or did somebody else wrote this?_ _What's more, maybe this note is meant to be for him._ The note didn't say _to_ or _from_ Tamahome. Just Tamahome.She suddenly shivered and realized that she had been standing with nothing on for too long. And to think somebody might just enter the room. She neatly folded the note and stashed it away under one of her garments, her pink baby tee and black shorts. It's about time she has a change of what dress to wear. After securing that the note is invisible form anybody else, she hastily wrapped the blanket around her and crossed the room to go have a nice warm bath. _One thing's for sure. I'll definitely follow the map. It may not lead me to Tamahome exactly but it's a start._ And with that, her world seemed much brighter. _And this time, I'm going there alone._

~ * @@@ * ~

Miaka woke up early the next morning. She excitedly dressed up, the pink baby tee and black shorts, and after eating a ravish breakfast with Hotohori, she popped him the question. They were walking along the grounds of the palace, just having a bit of exercise. 

"It's a good thing you're feeling better now, Miaka." Hotohori smiled down at her, his eyes having that sparkle.

Miaka stared up at him in reply, noting that he would look better with his hair down. "I sure do. It must be that miraculous medicine."

Hotohori chuckled. "Who won't get well taking that herb in? It makes one sleep that days away." He stared meaningfully at her.

That gave Miaka an idea for _later_. "No wonder I was always drowsy most of the time."

Silence passed between them.

"That reminds me. I sort of retained the poisoned twig just so we can study it for its antidote. It's a good thing it wasn't that serious. Really just to scare us away. I want to know who did it but I kind of misplaced the thing." He glanced at Miaka. "Did you by any chance see it anywhere in your room?"

Miaka shook her head. "No." She doesn't like where the conversation was heading. If Hotohori is determined to catch the culprit, it's alright but just not now. It wasn't there to harm her anyway rather, it was leading her to Tamahome. Having Hotohori on the case might just complicate things up. She'll just have to be cautious, for his sake. "I don't really want to converse about it."

"I understand."

They continued to trudge along, each in their own thoughts.

Miaka suddenly halted, turning to Hotohori. He did the same. 

"Hotohori, would it be okay for me to go search for Tamahome again?" Miaka had this hopeful expression on her face.

"Would it be okay if they go search without you?" Hotohori asked, although he knew the answer already. It doesn't hurt to try.

Miaka lowered and shook her head slowly. "No. I want to be there when they find him. Besides, I think I know where he currently is."

Hotohori's brows raised. "You do? So I'm assuming you found the note tucked inside that twig." 

Miaka's head shot up. "You _knew_ about it?" Her brows creased. "Why didn't you tell me? I --- we could have done something sooner about it."

"With you out cold, I don't think so. Besides, I've already made a copy of it and sent some of my best men to go looking for him."

"It isn't the same without me. I know him better. Now that your men have shown their faces around the world in search for Tamahome, it might have scared whoever abducted Tamahome away."

"Abducted? What gave you the idea that he was abducted?"

"Well, Tamahome never do go away this long, with not even a word back to inform us wherever he is. Maybe he did go on a journey without telling us 'coz he thought he'd be back the next day but now that we never saw him again, I'm pretty sure that something bad happened to him."

Miaka could be right but deep down inside, Hotohori had a different hunch. He couldn't explain it but he knew that that's not the case.

Miaka continued to talk. "That's like five days gone bye-bye! You knew that I wasn't really that out cold. I'm conscious ---"

"Semi."

"--- when I eat or take that medicine. Hotohori ---" She clutched at his robes.

"Miaka, please. I know you'll find this hard to understand but I did that because of you. I don't want you diving into dangerous measures again without fully recovering from the consequence of our previous endeavor." Hotohori hoped that Miaka would see his side of things.

Miaka have had it with Hotohori always being practical up to the extent of even giving up what little chance they have in finding Tamahome. "You can't tell me what I should or shouldn't do! You don't own my life!" Miaka hands were clenched in a tight fist at her sides. 

He gave her an even stare. "I can if I know it's the best for you."

"That's exactly it! You _don't_ know what's best for me. You're always assuming. God! You sound like a father I never had! Did you ever come to _stop_ and _think_ if I'm _happy_ with the way things are right now?"

Hotohori was silent.

"Well, I _thank you_ now for everything you've done plus the lodging and all." Miaka turned her back as if ready to leave but paused when Hotohori spoke.

"I still love you, Miaka but I never did order you to love me back. I'm doing all this for you. If Tamahome left you with not even a word of goodbye, I felt that I was left there to protect you. To make things all right. Suzaku knows how hard I tried to do those, just so you can finally move on with your life."

Miaka didn't turn around when she spoke. "You can never replace him in my heart, Hotohori." Her tone was flat and had a finalization to it. "These times he hadn't been by my side made me realize how he truly meant to me. If at first I've been torn between the two of you, well now I know where I stand. I hate telling you these, Hotohori, but I feel that it's time for _you_ to move on with your life." With that, Miaka left, leaving Hotohori with the cold air despite the warmth of the morning sun. 

Author's Notes:

Now I know it sounds lacking but I'm just submitting this for the meantime 'coz I feel that I've kept you waiting for so long. This is a very rough draft so if any of you have any suggestions as to how to make this better, with much more impact, do email me. I'll email you back if I like your suggestion and give you credit for it, otherwise, I may have overlooked your email and it would be just a coincidence that I had the same idea as you have! ^_^

And yeah, I don't know yet the significance of Tasuki and Chichiri's scene since it's not part of my original plot but then, all will be explained in due time.

The reason it took me long to come up with this installment is because I have this tendency to branch out from my original plot. Tee-hee!

  
  



	10. Still Loving You 10

Author's Notes: 

Blame it on my school work and all. Heaven knows how I tried to get started on this chapter. Nevertheless, I'm very sorry for the wait. And hey, I haven't been getting enough reviews lately. Is my fic turning bad? :{ Hope not!

Disclaimer: FY's not mine.

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Still Loving You…

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By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 10

Right after her devastating conversation with Hotohori, she packed her backpack with all the necessary things she needed. Even though she was fuming inside, tears were falling down her cheeks. She hastily brushed them off as she stuffed granola bars and mosquito repellant into her almost bursting bag. 

The tears she is shedding… for some reason, she can't simply convince herself that these tears were solely the effect of her fight with Hotohori. No, it was more that that. It was more on what she _told_ him.

At this thought, their conversation repeatedly played in her mind. More tears escaped and after a while, she finally gave in. She slumped down on the floor, leaning on the edge of her bed. She brought her knees to her chest and just let all her frustrations, all her regrets, all her sadness flow from the windows of her soul.

_I can't believe I just brushed him off like that. _She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the pressure to nullify the ugly scar in her heart. _What came over me???_ She kept on weeping.

Footsteps can be heard approaching her room. Slow, even, firm footsteps. Those that can only belong to a single person.

Glancing towards the direction of the door, Miaka's heart thudded in her chest. Honestly, she doesn't know what to do if ever Hotohori enters her room. Will she tell him off again? Will she cry? Ask forgiveness? But the question that weighs the more is this: What is Hotohori's purpose for coming? Will he comfort her? Tell her that they can just forget about what happened? Will he stop her from going, ask her to stay? _Will he still stand his ground that he loves her still…?_

Or maybe, he'll tell me that I was right. He has to move on. That he can just eventually get over his love --- NO! Wiping the stray tears, she cleared her throat and fanned her wet face. She waited.

The footsteps finally stopped, right in front of her room. She can tell by the silhouette. 

With abated breath, she waited for the doors to slid open. Much as she is nervous and confused, she wanted to experience for herself that Hotohori still cares. If he will still comfort her after what happened. Just as he always did.

… and waited. No wind came from the door. It is still closed. Then to both her relief and disappointment, the footsteps retreated until she can no longer make out the silhouette.

For a moment in time, Miaka just sat there, motionless. Her eyes were cloudy, staring blankly into space towards the direction of the door. 

She can feel them.

Miaka turned her gaze away, turning her head away yet never blinking. She mechanically, like in a trance, wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed them close to her body, letting out a slow, long sigh.

As if she's suppressing sobs.

Miaka squinted back tears, biting her lower lip till it hurts. Though with that pain, she still tried to hold back tears. Standing listlessly, her body willed her to seek comfort in her bed. She gently lied down, still in a trance, curling up like a ball. She hugged a pillow and as soon as her head settled on its cool surface, the never drying river of tears flowed.

~ * @@@ * ~

Hotohori can't figure out what he had done wrong. Was he letting his forbidden feelings to show out there in the open? Was he letting his feelings control, _manipulate_ his actions that Miaka took it as an advantage on his part since Tamahome isn't there?

_Am I doing the wrong?_

He wanted so much to talk to Miaka again and clear things that right after a few minutes she left, he went directly to her room. As he was standing right in front of the door, he did nothing. He could just slide the door with ease. But emotional stress takes a lot more that exerting physical effort, even how small the action is. 

For the past months, he had been on an emotional rollercoaster. And physical too. He won't deny it. There really are times that his thoughts would wander to the feel of Miaka in his arms. The heat of her lips on his. But those dreams are only up to there. He couldn't bring himself to _explore_ more. It would feel like doing something behind Miaka's back… and breaking the promise he made for her… and for himself.

Every time she's near, Hotohori's emotions become mixed up. Yes, she's there. But so near yet so far. Just within arms' reach, just within earshot. He doesn't know how to react sometimes. Should he be happy? To continue tolerating himself; that even if Miaka's physical self is with him, the one that he renders the most important is somewhere, to someone far off.

Her heart. Her love.

So off he forced his weary feet and wearier heart to turn away from its destination. 

He never got to see her face again.

~ * @@@ * ~

The few rays of the sun that signaled the coming of a beautiful sunset woke Miaka from her troubled sleep. As she opened one eye, she gained consciousness of her surroundings. Her backpack left open, the damp sheet of the pillow… and her swollen eyes.

Blinking to clear her vision, she weakly rose to a sitting position. Her head throbbed as she sat upright; whenever she moves it, her vision swims around, making her dizzy. Clutching the side of her forehead, she drag her spent body to the edge to of the bed and slipped on her sandals. She shakily stood up, feeling as if she's gonna throw up any second.

Having set her mind on her next move, Miaka finalized everything with her backpack, leaving some stuff out to lighten the load. After that, she splashed some cold water on her face to waken her senses and tied her hair in a high ponytail. 

Quietly walking towards the gate, Miaka glances from side to side every now and then to check if Hotohori is anywhere near her or her within his line of vision. She had been so caught up that she bumped onto one of the guards at the sides of the gate.

"Oooff!"

The guard merely flinched.

Miaka sheepishly let out a short laugh, head lowered to prevent the guard from seeing her face. She shifted her backpack. "Oh, stupid me!" She slaps her forehead to carry out her carefree act. "Well, just going to stroll some place else. Uh --- bye!" With that she half-jogged, half-ran and within seconds was out of the palace.

~ * @@@ * ~

Somewhere in the woods, Tasuki and Chichiri were finding a place to house for the night.

"Oh! My poor aching feet!" Tasuki immediately sat leaning against a huge tree and stretched. 

"I'm going to sleep." Chichiri called out to him from another tree, a few feet next from where he is.

Tasuki ignored his companion and snuggled on the grass as if it was soft foam of a bed.

Some time during the night, Tasuki awoke from the cold air wafting around his sleeping form. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and surveyed the environment. He found out that the fire had gone out. "Kuso!" He turned to his side and called out to Chichiri. 

"Hey, Chichiri!" He can see that Chichiri was unaffected by the cold atmosphere. He was actually smiling as he sleeps. After a few callings and many name-callings, Chichiri was quiescent as ever. Tasuki purposely marched toward him and shook him. 

Still, he won't budge.

Coming to the conclusion that he might freeze to death and still his companion would be taking a siesta, Tasuki wandered to find twigs and pieces of wood for the fire. He grumpily tried to keep his eyes open.

During his search for the ever needed pieces of wood, he came across a river. Elated to have seen it, he carefully dumped the pieces of twigs near the bank of the river. Sloshing his hands into the water, he then splashed the cool water onto his soporific face. He was staring at his wide-eyed reflection on the water when he caught a glimpse of flaming red hair. A familiar flaming red hair. Instinctively, he raised his head to where the supposed figure should be. But he found nothing. He stood up and cranned his neck here and there. 

"Hello!"

Nobody answered. 

He tried again but still no sound or noise can be heard as to indicate the presence of another person.

He scratched the back of his head. _I could have sworn that was Miaka. _But what would she be doing here at this late hour? His logical mind told him that he was just hallucinating due to his interrupted sleep. _And lack of food._ He rubbed his palm on top of his growling stomach.

He tried one last time, just to be sure. 

_Silence._

"Oh, well. Might as well go back to sleep." 

~ * @@@ * ~

__

That was close. That was too close for comfort. Miaka placed a hand over her fast beating heart. When Tasuki noticed her, she had sought shelter behind a big tree and both the notion at being caught and running all the way was too much for her already weary heart.

She cautiously peeked from behind the tree's edge and when she saw Tasuki's retreating back, she sighed with great relief.

For the past few hours, she had been diligently following the map. According to it, she was only halfway to reaching her destination. Enervated and itching all over, she would be ever thankful for a safe place to sleep the night away. Upon seeing Tasuki, she had been indebted to the heavens but not until a thought crossed her mind.

Letting Tasuki know that she's right there in the woods with him will lead to asking questions as to how she got there. Questions that might end her up right back to the palace, which is the last thing on her mind. And she's really not in the mood to be interrogated right now. Much as she craves for companionship at that very moment, she could not risk her chances of getting to Tamahome.

She walked away from the shadows of the tree and into the moonlight. _I'm sorry, Tasuki. It's not that I don't trust you to not tell Hotohori. I'm not doing this on pure desire alone. I'm doing this not only for Tamahome but for myself too. I need work things out on my own, to prove to myself that I can face whatever it is that is laid before me. I can't always be dependent on others._ She paused for a moment, analyzing what she had just said. Thinking that if she had done these months ago, she won't be out in the middle of the night --- alone. Thank god there were no foul incidents during her long walk.

_I have learned that no matter how much you believe in someone, no matter how much they swore to you that they would never leave you… _They just can't always be there.

Her thoughts wandered back to Hotohori. _I wonder if Hotohori realized that I'm nowhere to be seen in the palace?_ _Is he searching for me at this very moment?_

Miaka leaned back against the tree, closing her eyes as the cool breeze soothed her face. She stared unto the starry night. _Yes, Tamahome is with me. He always is. We are under the same heavens, starring at the same sky. _A smile crept to the corners of her mouth. That thought alone gave her heart the boost of hope and faith and her body a boost of energy. 

Even though she's still in the dark as to what Tamahome's reason for leaving; as to what really happened to him. Seeing his face again, to feel skin against skin --- solid --- not just a product of one's imagination, memories or dreams will ease all those worries, all those lonely nights. It will bring life, color and _meaning_ to her life once more. 

And the questions can always be asked for later.

_Tomorrow, Tamahome, we'll be together again._

Author's Notes:

K! Finished this in one seating. For one reason or the other, I was inspired. Maybe because of this toothache I have? ^_^ Oh well!

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	11. Still Loving You 11

April 4, 2002: Ok! Many additional but the sense is same still, just a bit modified. It wouldn't hurt to read it again, would it? ^_~ And review afterwards, of course! I added, I think, a total of 300 words.

Author's Notes: 

Here I am again with my million excuses for not following this fic up sooner. Gomen for that c",). I've been receiving less and less reviews so I'm kinda wondering if you guys are still there ^_^. I really need what you guys think. I may not be able to finish this… Keeping my fingers crossed!

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A thousand thanks to CeresAngel, Tskino Neko, demon-neko, Stormlight, Valy, suzaku no miko , bcaprz and to more of you out there!!!! You rock, guys! *_____*

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Still Loving You…

__

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 11

Miaka can barely open her eyes as she wearily trudged along the dirt path. Her clothes were starting to feel uncomfortable and her water bottle had long gone been empty. A small part of her regretted not staying with Tasuki. Still, she went on. Heavy eyelids glanced at the piece of paper in her hand, noting that she still have about three hours to go --- well, that's according to her crude calculation. She was never good in being accurate anyway, mathematics just isn't her thing. That's Yui's ----

She halted, as did her feet. "I wonder how she's doing right now? Where are you, Yui?" she thout out loud, brows creasing.

__

They never got to resolve the many misunderstandings they had with one another and since a year has already passed by, Miaka thought that maybe, they'd never have that chance. 

_That's why I should stop talking to myself and focus my attention on one thing: finding Tamahome. And after that, we'll look for Yui._ She felt determined and inspired once more that tiredness was quickly out of the picture.

The dead silence of the night being the only one accompanying her at that moment, her thoughts began to wander to her childhood days. 

Playing hide and seek with Yui

Making sandcastle together with Yui.

Beating the crap out of a boy who was bullying Yui.

Arguing with Yui.

Making lame jokes of which Yui finds it dumb because _ahem_, she's way smart --- much to Miaka's exasperation. 

Cheating with Yui during Math class --- well, for her part anyway but Yui lets her cheat so… that makes them both cheaters. Miaka can't help but smile at the thought.

Yui this, Yui that.

It was always _with_, _to_, _for_ Yui one way or the other.

That's why she just can't accept that everything is falling apart after a certain man came into the their life. _Why_ did it have to be Tamahome anyway? Better yet, she could have Hotohori and Yui could have Tamahome for all she cares…

It's her heart that's above it all.

Why did Yui have to choose him and not fall in love with Nakago or one of the twin brothers, Suboshi and Amiboshi instead? Then she thought that they are way sinister for Yui to be with let alone love --- well, except for Amiboshi who's way better than the other members of the group. Still in the end, she ruled the three ones out. 

But wait! Doesn't Suboshi _love_ Yui? It seems that way… and he seems good enough the guy as long as he won't let his immaturity get in the way and be more like his brother. 

__

So why pick Tamahome at all? Why? Miaka silently asked Yui, looking up the sky like as if her friend… _best_ friend can hear her. Yui is still her true blue after all. They hadn't really called it quits yet. Deep down, Miaka can discern that Yui's feeling the same way as she's feeling: longing to be close friends again --- even if Yui tries to act not like it every time, much to Miaka's despair. Can't they talk about the whole thing over like civilized people? Why do they have to completely scorn each other? It's making the entire situation worse; communication is a key after all.

__

Well, why did you pick Tamahome? Why him_ at all? _A voice at the back of her head shot back, answering her inquisition with a question. Weird… but right all the same.

It's so stupid to ask why one loves another person. It's the same like saying: Why do you get mostly three wishes? Why not four or eight? 

__

Because that's just the way it works. Simple as that. Period.

Much to her probing and delving thinking, it still led her to square one. 

Okay, so maybe this brain-wracking activity on trying to comprehend why a particular event turned out the way they did had done more harm than good. It's nothing new to her. She was perpetually bad at analyzing things anyway.

Miaka heaved a downhearted sigh. Going all of these through her gray matter was giving her a big headache… and weighing her down. Maybe she should just focus her energy on staying on her feet until she reaches her destination. Then she can relax, think things over and finally --- hopefully --- be with Tamahome again. After all the pain, she's gonna give him a piece of her mind all right.

A not so mellow wind wafted through her. Cold and biting, making her shiver in her blouse and shorts and reminding her how hungry she was. There was no food so no warmth came from the inside of her body.

She speculated if that had any underlying meaning to it.

It had. And she doesn't want to ponder about it.

Next to Tamahome, food came second to her list of priorities. No wonder Miaka's walk shifted from that of a slow walk to a double-paced one.

But even that didn't last. Her enervated and famished body refused to go beyond its limits so she was back to the slow walk again. Time and time again, her mind would wander to the things left behind… to a certain individual close to her heart who she relinquished.

_Hotohori._

The name sounds so distant now but the feel of it rolling through her tongue and out of her mouth was still familiar. So familiar it scared her. It's like there's this unerring entity that wouldn't let go of it, that somehow her parting him wasn't the last time she'll be able to see him.

No. Not at all.

Which brought her to the inevitable: _Why not Hotohori?_

He's virtuous, benevolent, mindful, a great emperor, a warm friend, a good listener, understanding --- no, more than understanding. Compassionate and generous… not to mention good looking. 

__

Hmm… I think the adjective beautiful_ would be the more appropriate word._ Miaka chuckled despite the sad things her thoughts were leading to.

All of these traits make up her dream guy. Well, _okay_. _Every_ girl's dream.

So why isn't she falling head over heels in love with him now and not staying to be by his side???

Maybe because that's all there is to the dream guy concept. A _dream_. Someone _too good to be true_. 

__

Oh, but he's most definitely real… Miaka admitted and thinking about the way he makes ---_made_ her feel, she added, _and alive_.

To her it didn't work with Hotohori having a big fault she can't accept or him being just a figment of her wildest dream or imagination. No. It's her love for him that would never happen --- a love that will overpower her love for Tamahome --- _that _will never happen.

It seemed to her that their love, Tamahome and hers, was written in the stars, carved on the great heavens, destined on any lifetime. Yes, a love written in the stars yet a devotion that is forbidden… much impossible. See, it was also carved up on the high heavens that the Maiden and her Protector can never be together. How ironic is that? So why mark it somewhere in the first place if it's all impossible?

There goes that big _why_ again.

Why? Why?? WHY???

Miaka oh so bid the high heavens above to drop her a book that will put a period to all her question marks. Life would be less complicated then.

How she wished.

Lack of energy and warmth. It had taken its toll for the next thing she knew, she passed out.

~ * @@@ * ~

Sweet tinkling melodies awoke her from her slumber. The ground felt different somehow. Clean, almost warm and good for her back. Comforting. 

Which is not how a ground should feel like. How can it be this cozy if the ground that's being discussed about here is one that's full of dirt, grass, worms, icky little insects, pebbles --- Miaka then thought, _Of course, almost all grounds are the same, you get the picture?_ _Unless it's the other ground we're talking about like school grounds… but uncomfortable still._

A stream of sunlight flashed against her face, as if a curtain had been drawn open by a gentle wind. Her eyes fluttered open a tiny peek, unwilling to get out from its peaceful slumber. Seems like her eyes won over for she curled up closer under the covers…

_Covers?! What covers?!_ Miaka then was jolted awake. Her eyes snapped open without a moment's hesitation.

The first thing her eye met was the ceiling of what looked to be… a tent. Okay, a gray tent. A big one at that. It looked familiar and the feel of the surroundings too.

Then it hit her, like a bucketful of cold water.

She sat upright, all the while clutching the covers closer to her body as if any moment, Nakago would appear and try… something on her again. She quickly glanced down to her body and was very grateful to know that she was fully clothed. Still, she can't take any chances; she has to be cautious… and alert… and prepared. 

More than anything, she wanted to bolt right out of the tent. Whoever placed her here might have another intention besides that of saving her and her regaining back her strength. She could hear through the tent covers that someone was talking outside. 

_Maybe, if I pretended that I'm still asleep, they would leave me for awhile and I can have a chance to escape. _She was thinking this more to convince herself that wherever she is and whatever predicament she's gotten herself into again, she's gonna come out alive, _untouched and unscathed_, then search for Tamahome.

She quietly slipped back under the covers and shut her eyes, faking sleep. Her ears were straining to hear what was being talked about outside. Unfortunately, all she heard were murmurs --- or what it sounded like to her from inside. In these minutes, Miaka sensed that she must have been coming down with a cold. Her nose felt funny and her eyes were watering.

She groaned inwardly, rolling her eyes. _Ugh! What great timing. _

After about what seemed like an eternity of waiting and strenuous listening to Miaka, the talking stopped and she could here the steps retreat getting far and far away. At last when not a footfall was heard, she crept out of the bed, not even bothering to check her reflection in the mirror, which she passed by. She has to gather her bearings. It was too much of a coincidence for the whole place to look exactly like the one she had been. 

Pausing in front of the flap of the tent, she noticed thin lovely silver metals hanging arranged in a stylish way. They must be the ones responsible for the tinkling sound she heard earlier. A Lilliputian smile found it's way to her lips.

Before going out, she glanced right and left, suspecting that there might be someone on guard. _Boy, I'm very cautious, all right. More cautious than I've ever been in my entire life. _Past experiences have instructed her well and she wasn't about to make the same mistakes again. No, not anymore. She intends to _learn_ from them not _follow_. Besides, experiences and time taught her much. Much more than she could take in on one year alone of her life. 

What her clogged nose this time failed to inform her, her eyes did. 

Directly in line with her vision to her right side, a low table was set filled with various dishes. They were still hot considering the wisps of steam coming up from them. They all look… exquisite --- not to mention good factors to fill her raging empty stomach.

She reasoned with herself as to why she should dine first and not seize the very moment for her chance to flee. _Eesh! If they planned to kill me, they could have done it while I was still asleep. And maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions all these time. The people or person who saved me must have good intentions from the beginning. Who knows? Aaah, to heck with reason! I'm following my stomach's instincts._ She grinned, musing, _As always._ She walked over or the low table with a hand on her tummy. _And right now, this guru of a stomach is telling me that I might pass out again if I don't get enough nourishment and… god knows where I'll end up next!_

Yes, that's Miaka. Always the optimistic one when food was involved. Some things never change.

As soon as her butt hit the floor --- she sort of just plopped down --- her hand reached for the nearest dish while the other one gulped down what tasted to be peach juice. 

"Ah, the joy of eating for free… and to heart's content!" She couldn't help muttering as she was halfway through.

When she was finished, she leaned back a bit with both arms supporting her --- as if she has all the time in the world --- and burped a healthy burp. Seeing to it that no drop of liquid or a bit of food is left to be wasted, she stood up, invigorated. 

Walking towards the flap, she lifted it open a bit, scanned the area --- which was a clearing in a forest --- and as soon as she was assured that no one would see her going out, she stepped outside.

No sooner had she took the first step when she heard a voice so accustomed to her hearing that she drew in a sharp breath… and it acknowledged her saying,

"Miaka."

Author's Notes: 

Okay, gomen nasai for the cliffhanger but I'm so into it. Hehehe… ^_^ Makes the fic more luring, ne? Anyway, sorry for the upload error. And again, **REVIEW**. I mean it when I say I need to know what you guys think. **Tell me if the fic is going fine or if I should just drop it. Then that would save us both the time and effort. ^_~** Feedbacks and suggestions are most welcome as they improve the quality of the fic and correct my mistakes as an author.

Chapter 12 is on the way!!!!!


	12. Still Loving You 12

Author's Notes:

Okay! Here is the complete Chapter 12! Hope you all like it as much as I had enjoyed writing it. I placed every inch of feeling I had in this fic to make it all the more… moving (Tee-hee! 0_o). 

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To Tamahome+Miaka Lovers (Important):

It's no secret now that this will be a Hotohori+Miaka fic unless more T+M reviews come and I have to alter what I already planned for the next chapters and the ending. (And yes, this is still far from the ending. ^_^) Either way, I will make Hotohori and Tamahome be on the good side, like they had a heroic reason for leaving Miaka or something. In short, I will not make them be the bad guy or anything (Sorry to those who were expecting that! You see, I also like Tamahome inasmuch as I like Hotohori.) So I hope that whatever the outcome will be, you'll support me all the way! Heeheee…

And Miaka's scene with Tamahome here… this wouldn't be the last. Soon, you will find out as to why he acted this way. All will be explained in due time.

Again, thanks for all the support!!!! Review please. a_a It's like the lifeblood of this fic.

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*Please read the thank you notes at the bottom… (Want to email some of you guys but you didn't state your email adds!) **More to add on the later chapters!!!**

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Still Loving You…

__

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 12

The balmy air ruffled Miaka's hair as she stood stock-still. For a moment, nothing was said. The moment was just enough to try preparing on facing each other… facing a friend-turned-rival.

"What brings you here… Miaka?" The way it was said was nothing like a question.

Slowly, not knowing what to expect --- a smile or a frown perhaps --- Miaka turned around. "Yui…" Her brain was going overdive, not knowing what to feel. Perhaps a little bit of everything is what best describes her current emotion.

"Hmm… not quite the thanks I thought I'd get after saving a _dear_ friend but it will do." Though her words told of having helped a friend, her tone was not. If it was anything, it was that of smugness. She flicked an imaginary flint from the shoulders of her light blue blouse then turned back to Miaka.

"Um… thanks… so much." Miaka weakly replied. Her mind tried to grasp everything that had happened. _So you saved me… but why? Can it be that somehow, you had a change of heart, Yui?_

Miaka didn't realize she had on a dazed and faraway expression on her face until Yui snapped her fingers to call on one of the guards behind her. Miaka's gaze instinctively took focus to that of the guards, all faces shadowed by cloth. _Three guards_, she absentmindedly thought. She then shook her head to get out from the trance. Something is quite… not in place but she can't put her finger on it. Her attention geared back to Yui when she heard her say,

"Bring me the medicine. I think our little guest here is still unstable."

Miaka then stretched out her hand in a stop gesture. "No… Yui. I'm okay." She smiled wearily.

The guard shrouded by a dark blue cloth froze midway, waiting for Yui's decision.

Yui dismissed the order with the flick of her hand and the guard fell back into position, half hidden beneath the shadows. 

For the weeks that they haven't seen each other, Yui already had that regal grace. The way she turned her head to face Miaka, slowly and gracefully, screamed respect and prestige. If being a Maiden of Suzaku to Miaka had done nothing to change the way she acted, even to address one of her Suzaku Seven, to Yui it had changed a great deal. One would think that she owned the world. 

Which brings us to the thought: She could one day own the world, right?

She stepped closer to Miaka, face void of any expression. "What brings you around these place? And all alone?" Inquiring in a way that was pretty obvious that she wasn't really interested in the answer; just for the sake of opening up a conversation.

Miaka wondered why. It's as if Yui knew the purpose of her journey. She tried her best not show her thoughts as she answered, "I'm…" Miaka hesitated, not knowing how to put into words what she was about to say without Yui thinking that Tamahome disappeared for the reason of a misunderstanding or anything… or that Tamahome left without informing her of his destination. "…looking for Tamahome," she finished, watching Yui's reaction carefully.

"Oh. He left?" Yui's reaction was not that of someone surprised, taking it all in stride. She started pacing slowly as if contemplating a big thought.

Yui's next question roused Miaka's suspicion. It was in the way that she said it, like as if taunting her to tell a certain truth, the "might be" reason, as to why he left. Miaka's guard went up, not willing to divulge any information. She wracked her brain to come up with a believable reason so when nothing decent came into mind, she settled for the oldest leeway in the book, "It's really none of your business." Her tone was quiet, calm.

Her companion arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Oh?" Yui then shrugged her shoulders in a nonchalant manner, so unlike her when it comes to Tamahome that Miaka found this way too… suspicious. "I won't force you then. You can tell me when you're ready."

Suddenly, Yui was being the friend that she knew --- got along with. To be on the safer side in case Yui changes her mind, she shifted the conversation to another topic. 

"So… why did you save me?"

Yui had on an insulted expression. "Why, Miaka! You really think I'm that bad, do you?"

"Well, if I can remember correctly, I'm your enemy number one," she retorted warily.

"In more ways than one," Yui supplied but she added with a short laugh, "But that's not really the point." Her voice and face then turned serious. "Really, Miaka, we may be rivals in many ways but I just can't let… _my best friend_ die."

Miaka remained silent, watching her friend carefully though she tried to downplay her observing in case that Yui is really telling the truth. She just can't bear to see Yui's hurt expression if she found out later on that she doubted her.

Yui carried on. "For the haughty greeting moments ago, I had to act it in case Nakago's men finds out that I'm getting soft when it comes to the Maiden of Suzaku." She glanced at the guards from the corners of her eyes. "But now that I'm away from them, we can talk freely." She stared at Miaka, waiting for her any reply but the latter continued to just watch her in the eye.

She heaved a heavy sigh. "Okay! If I'm that so hard to trust mmph --- "

Miaka threw her arms around her best friend-turned-rival-turned-best friend again. "Oh, Yui! I'm so glad you're back!!!" Fresh big tears were rolling down her then pale cheeks now flushed with newly gained happiness.

"Ok" --- cough, cough --- "You can stop with the bear hug now or you're gonna suffocate me to death."

If nothing, Miaka tightened the hug more. "Oh, I'm _sooo_ happy!" She then released her grip to stare at her best friend in the eye, sobbing all the while. "You really can't blame me… Getting to have my best friend again after loosing you both --- "

"Both?"

Miaka stopped halfway, her mouth hanging open. Her smiled faltered as she spoke. "Guess I can just tell you about Tamahome now."

"Tamahome?" Yui inquired. "Why? What happened?"

Miaka turned around, her back to Yui. She walked a few distances and chose to sit on the cold grassy dirt.

Yui followed suit but with more caution as to not sit on anything… yucky.

Miaka heaved a heavy sigh then started her tale of woe. "I don't know, Yui… Everything was going fine. I finally told Hotohori that Tamahome is really the man I want to spend my entire life with. So just when I was about to tell Tamahome… I couldn't find him anywhere." She paused, as if recalling the moment also relived the pain it brought.

Yui nodded her on.

"At first I thought he just went somewhere and that he'd be back by nightfall."

"But he didn't even return the day after."

"No, he didn't which is not like him. He always tells me where he'll be especially if he'll be away for long… so that got me really worried."

"And… did you ask for help?"

Miaka chuckled halfheartedly. "I… asked Hotohori for help. I knew he would help me, even if the man we were trying to find was the person he lost to." A faraway expression took over her face. "I--- "

"Shhh!!!!" Yui grabbed her arm, pulling them both up to their feet. "Someone's coming." She smiled slyly. "Better get into my act once more."

Miaka giggled despite the situation. "I'll help."

Before Yui could say anything, one of the three guards appeared. 

Miaka noted that this was different from the one Yui talked to earlier.

He bowed and remained in that position. "Priestess, is everything all right there?"

Yui's eyebrows drew together. "I told you not to interrupt!" 

The guard flustered. "S-sorry, Priestess. But it was Nakago's order to check on --- "  
"Enough!"

The already nervous guard jumped out of his skin.

Miaka had to bit her lip to keep from laughing.

Yui's eyes narrowed. "Tell Nakago that I can handle this…," she looked up Miaka up and down, a look of distaste on her face.

For a moment there, Miaka forgot that Yui was still _acting_ her part; so convincing is her performance. So to make it award-winning, her face scrunched up when Yui gripped her arm in a death grip that almost cut off her circulation.

__

Ouch, Yui! That hurt! Miaka had to restrain herself from jerking off her arm and not to knock out Yui into oblivion.

"… this pathetic Maiden. If you can call her a maiden…"

He straightened up, trying to regain his composure but failing. "That's --- "

"Leave!"

It seemed that the guard was still about to say something but his Priestess beat her to it. 

"And don't make me repeat myself! Or I _will_ tell Nakago to fire you. Let's see how that would affect your starving family."

__

Good choice, Miaka thought silently, noting her aching arm. Miaka wondered if Yui would actually make Nakago fire the guy.

As soon as the guard disappeared from sight, Miaka jerked her arm away and immediately tried to soothe the sore spot. 

Yui slapped her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Miaka." She bit her lower lip sheepishly. "I guess I got carried away…"

"It's okay. I'm all right, somehow."

"Let's go to my room. We can talk there."

"Do we have to get into the act again?" Miaka asked apprehensively.

Yui laughed. "Nope."

Miaka raised an eyebrow in question.

Yui grinned slyly. "They don't have to know. C'mon!"

~ * @@@ * ~

"In here."

Miaka entered as Yui closed the door behind her, after checking to see if anybody saw them come in.

Yui snorted. "Those men are such airheads!" She turned to Miaka who had found a chair to sit on. "So. Where were we?"

Moments later…

"So that's the whole sordid story."

"…"

Miaka had her back to her friend so when Yui didn't make any reply, she twisted around and asked, "Well, what can you say --- " Only to find Yui standing, back to her, by the corner of the room. "Yui?" When she didn't respond, Miaka began to panic, sensing that there must be something wrong. She stood up abruptly, eyes wide. "Are we gonna get caught?"

This time, Yui did respond but with a chuckle though her back was still facing Miaka. "Miaka, when I say we wouldn't get caught, we wouldn't."

Relief flooded through Miaka's entire body. The thought of loosing a friend just after having her back for not more than two hours is more than enough to send her in panic. But then the relief was quickly replaced by another fear. "Then what is it, Yui? What's wrong?"

Finally, Yui turned to face her, her lips set in a grim line. "Miaka, I don't know how to tell you this…"

Dread began to creep up to Miaka. "Tell me… what?" Her voice shook but was unaware due to the thudding of her heart.

"Forget about Tamahome."

At first, Miaka could not comprehend what Yui was telling her but as seconds ticked by, the words began to pierce in. Her reaction was not unexpected. "What?!" Her voice was more of a stage whisper, due to the fact that if she were to speak her normal voice, it might just come out as a croak.

"Unless you have trouble hearing, you heard me right, Miaka."

Miaka couldn't read her friend's expression. It seemed to her that Yui was trying to be strong about it but half of her seemed to be hesitating, almost unsure of what to do: what to say and how to say the words that had been said.

"_Forget Tamahome?_" Miaka's mouth opened and closed for several times, unsure of what to think of the situation. "Yui, you can't be serious." Her brows were furrowed and her eyes kept on darting from one place to another, trying to make sense of everything that had happened. "First you let me tell you of my woe, listening to me and even giving me advises, comforting me and now…" She gestured frantically with her hands. "And now you want me to just drop the very reason of my purpose… of why I'm still out finding him…" She trailed off.*

"_Listen_, Miaka. I'm telling you this for your own good!"

"For my own good?!" Miaka glared at her incredulously. "Yui… if that's how you think it, then you _definitely_ don't know what's good for me. If I've known better, you're doing this for _your_ own good!" She lashed out her finger, pointing to her friend. 

"_For me?!_ I'm doing this for me???" The Yui of moments earlier returned. "Miaka, you don't know half of what you're saying. I'm trying to make this easier for you."

"The heck you are! You're not making this any easier if for one minute ago you were all this supportive and now you're turning to be the exact opposite."

"Well --- "

Miaka interrupted, the realization that Yui didn't really come back magnifying her emotions. "I thought you've come back to the best friend that I've known and loved…" Silent tears were flowing down her cheeks. "Now…" she choked. "Now I know that all you've been doing is a façade! A bluff! Anything to make me _not _realize the truth!"

"Would you rather want _Tamahome_ to be the one to tell you to get the hell out of his life?!"

Miaka's sobs halted as Yui's words implied something more but didn't have the time to sort everything out as she saw a figure emerged from behind Yui.

"Tamahome!" Yui swiveled around.

Miaka wanted to call out his name but the word appeared to be stuck in her throat. _All this time, you've been here…_Her face was frozen in shock and all of a sudden, _The guards…_"You were that guy… guards…"

"Yes. Because I was watching over Yui." He simply stated.

Yui's eyes watered as she heard this and a sweet smile brushed her lips.

Miaka was aghast. "Tamahome…"

"Tamahome, I said I could have handled this." Yui berated him.

He kept staring at Miaka though his expression was blank and cold. "Yui, understand that she have to hear it from me."

Yui nodded. "Yes."

"I'll handle this. You could go and wait for me in your room."

_You lied, Yui! You told me this was your room. Everything! Lies!_ Miaka wanted so badly to scream but just kept it all inside. What was important now was to know why Tamahome's acting strangely and how to bring some sense into him.

Yui turned around to leave but before exiting, she spoke to Miaka once more, "This time, Miaka, this is no drug."

Tamahome sighed, exasperated. "Please, Yui."

With one more nod and a smile to Tamahome, Yui exited.

Now just the two of them alone.

Eye to eye.

Silence.

Suddenly, Miaka broke the stillness by throwing herself at Tamahome. "Oh, Tamahome!" She tightened her embrace around his waist, cheek against his chest. "I knew it! That was just all an act." She pulled out a little to look up at him. "Tell me that was all just an act. I really wouldn't be surprised now… after all Yui put me through." Miaka's eyes sparkled with unshed tears and it was yet to be decided if those were for joy or broken-heartedness.

"Tell me, Tamahome." She prompted by hugging him once more, inhaling in the scent that was her beloved.

"Miaka…"

"Yes…?" She waited breathlessly.

"Let go of me."

It took Miaka seconds to comprehend what he had said. Somehow, it didn't feel right for him to say that. They had always been together, they had always belonged to each other. Slowly, her hold loosened and then finally, she let him out of her embrace.

Miaka's stared searchingly into his eyes that adamantly stayed void of emotions, making it hard to understand what was really going on with him. "Tamahome…"

"Miaka, I think that it is all for the best if we stayed out of each other's way… _permanently_."

"P-permanently?!" Miaka sputtered. "You can't be serious and I won't allow it!" she defied indignantly. _You will have to kill me first_, she thought vehemently.

Tamahome went on, disregarding her outburst. "Though I would still remain as one of the Suzaku Seven. I will return with you and I would still be your protector…"

_And? _Miaka stared expectantly at him.

"Your protector." He finished with finality.

"My protector?" She echoed, just making sure yet not knowing how to handle if ever he confirmed it. And he did.

"Yes." 

"My protector?!"

"Yes!" Tamahome exclaimed. "Why, is there suppose to be anything else?"

Miaka was enraged! She wanted to tell him that YES, there is something else: they were supposed to be in love with each other. That YES, he just can't say _your protector, period_ as if he could just thrash aside what they have. That YES, for they have not only love but _friendship_ and a promise to one another. That YES, for she knows that he knows that he still loves her, however stubborn he was to admit it!… right?

Her mouth opened to speak but as the words sank in, he did have a point though it was not _the_ point. (The point is, they have something: love and you can't whisk that aside.) The Protector doesn't have to be in an intimate --- the romantic one --- relationship with the Maiden. 'Coz even if they do, they will still be separated in the end, which brought the question,

"Are you afraid…"

Though she hadn't finished her question, Tamahome already knew what it was. "No!"

"Then why…?"

"Miaka," Tamahome started, as if speaking to a child. "Not everything has a reason."

"Oh, no." Miaka opposed. "There's a reason for everything."

"So okay, let me rephrase it: There are just some things that can't be explained. Satisfied? Do I make my self agreeable?"

When Miaka didn't make any reply, Tamahome strode off, toward the door and out into the woods.

Only then did Miaka found the strength to say something. "Tamahome, wait! We have to talk. You just can't walk away." She ran after him.

"Miaka, there really is nothing to talk about. I've said what's needed to be said." He didn't inasmuch stop.

She began with the questions that had kept her awake many nights and haunted her even in broad daylight. "Why did you leave me? Without any notice as to where you'll be?" Her eyes then widened as a thought seeped its way through. "Why are you _here_, Tamahome?"

Tamahome snorted. "I could ask you the same question."

Frustrated, Miaka exclaimed, "Tamahome, I've been searching for you and I ended up here! The whole Konan Empire has been searching for you! I was worried sick!" She hurried up to keep up with his long strides.

"Could have fooled me. The last time I remembered, you were seeking comfort in another's arms."

Miaka chose to ignore him. She had to tell him her side of story before he decided to brush her off again. "I can't even sleep at night, tossing and turning, wondering if you're still alive! Even Hotohori wakes up just to see me because --- "

"_Please._ I don't want to hear any of it." Tamahome interrupted. 

Miaka then realized that she had conscripted the wrong words but she have to finish the sentence if only to make Tamahome know that it's not what he thinks. She didn't choose not to sidestep mentioning Hotohori's name --- to make Tamahome see that there's nothing between them; that she won't flinch at the mention of Hotohori's name nor hesitate to mention his name because there's _really_ nothing between them anymore. She wanted everything to be out, no more secrets.

"Because I can't stop thinking about you…" Miaka finished, voice trailing off.

"…"

Miaka was indeed crying now; her cheeks sleek with tears. "Tamahome… please, say something…"

"…"

"Anything…"

"…"

"You can even shout at me. Yell!" She threw up her hands. "I don't care." She halted where she is, finding it hard to go on and still make known her feelings. "(_Just don't _- she prayed silently) Tell me you…" her voice shook. "… you hate me." She dreaded for the reply but still none came. 

"…"

Miaka choked out. "I love you, Tamahome… I had and always will…" 

He stopped in mid-track. Tamahome's whole body went rigid in trying to retain all the feelings that he has to conceal. 

"Please…" The next question was nothing she feared about --- until now. "Don't you… love me anymore?"

"Miaka, I'm begging you," He muttered through gritted teeth. "_Stop_. You're just wasting your time." Tamahome's voice still _sounded_ gentle and soothing but it definitely didn't feel anything like that.

Miaka tried one last time, ignoring her pride, what her logical mind was telling her, her dignity… hanging on to what little she have left. "So you're telling me that I've wasted my time --- all my life… because I chose to love you? Is that it?"

That hit him where it should hit the most. Tamahome chuckled though he didn't find the scene even a wee bit amusing. "Don't be ridiculous, Miaka. You're still very young."

"Answer me!!!"

Tamahome turned slightly to the side, just enough to catch a glimpse of her. Then without saying another word, he sauntered off, leaving her behind… again. 

But this time, he left her with nothing to hold on to. 

__

Nothing.

~ * @@@ * ~

Hotohori had been restless since he discovered that Miaka had gone missing. He had already ordered all his guards to search, ordered to ask the townspeople if they have seen their Maiden… but not one of them had any bit of information relating to her. He kept pacing back and forth in his throne.

_That's it! I'm not staying here any longer. I'll go find Miaka myself!_

"Guards!" 

And two guards were immediately by his feet. 

"Prepare my horse!"

~ * @@@ * ~

As she watched his retreating back, Miaka sank down to the cold ground, embracing her body and tried to be as compact and little as possible, hugging her knees to her chest. She felt a sense of déjà vu, remembering the first time she had told Tamahome what she felt for him. But this time, she wouldn't find herself lying comfortably on a bed with the thought that he had carried her and made sure she was taken cared of. This time, nobody would come to take the tears away. Nobody.

For she had made a mess out of everything. 

__

Just accept it, Miaka. You aren't just meant to be happy. You made some mistakes and you have to pay for it your whole life.

Small droplets of water fell from the sky and from a distance, she could ascertain thunder and lightning. 

"Tamahome…" she said his name. Even if he was the cause of the pain she was experiencing right now, the mention of his name never failed to comfort her. _I must be going crazy!_

"How will I ever live without you by my side…?"

And with that, she let the sheets of rain that started to fall envelope her in cold solace.

You guys made the difference: (in no particular order)

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oolala girl: Well, it feels good to know my fic comes first before your growling stomach! 

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Princess Annie: OMG!!! A princess just reviewed my fic. Wait till I tell the presses about this. I'll be famous! Your Majesty, as you wish. Continuing my fic is the least I could do compared to the publicity that I'd get. *rolls eyes* Yeah, right! Dream on, g3ozLizh!

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Mayo-san: Your name makes me crave for a burger. *goes into dreamworld* Burger…. Anyway, yes, I'm serious --- to continue this fic, that is. 

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Kagome-chan: Guess it's no secret anymore. Yes, this is gonna be an H+M, considering all the reviews. I'm sorry… *hangs head* Sob! So I guess I won't be expecting to see your name on the reviewer's list. *sigh* I'll make it up to you. I'll write a T+M fic after I get to have extra time, k? Next month, most probably…

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Faith: Oh, gosh! I'm sooo flattered! Hehehe… I know. Less dialogue so I'll add more to the upcmoing chapters, k? It's just that my previous chapters really didn't call for major dialogues. And sooo sorry for making you wait. I'm so ashamed… *casts eyes downwards*

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Hotohori4life-H4L: You're right… but don't let the others hear you or they'll definitely hunt you down. ^_^ It's a good thing I'm in between or I'll be out for your head too --- nah! Just kidding! The more, the challenging, right? ß Uhh.. pretty lame.

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Justine: No fear! I won't ever pair Tama with another girl, especially if it's an "add-on". I'm so against that! 

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Warp Gurl: Waaahhh!!! Why do I write no fast still???? *ahem* (more flattery, please! Hihihihi…) Don't overdo it! A time might come that I won't budge unless you guys flatter me. He! I'm kidding.

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Hara: Wha --- ? I made you change?! Wow! *fans self* And I'm not even H or T, just neutral. Hmm… I wonder what would happen if I choose between the two? Would I move mountains of believers???? *dodges knife from a T+M fan* Not my fault!!! Spare me!

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Haiken: Ok, ok… but what did you write after the second to the last line? You made me stop before I could finish…

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anonoymous: Uh… I definitely will! *hisses at manager* What more do you want me to say????

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suzaku no miko: *gasp* The star of the show! Can I have your autograph? And no need to say please. I'll definitely finish this. *glances at autograph* Wait till the others see this…

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Obsessed!!!!: ^_^ a_a *_* ^_~ uhh… &^))%$#&^(*nUmk

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CeresAngel: You're truly are an angel. Thanks for the never-ending support from the very start… *sniff, sniff*

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Valy the Hotohori x Miaka fan: I'm working, I'm working…. :P

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anonymous: Wait no more!!!

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Tsukino Neko: Whoa! Many ???s! *sigh* I guess you'll be leaving too since this is gonna be a H+M fic (unless more T+M fic review). *sob!* It hurts to lose a great reviewer, not to mention that you're an author too! But as I told Kagome-chan, I'll write a T+M fic… for you out there!!!!

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demon-neko: *chuckles* You li'l devil you…

Author's Notes:

Gotta stop here! I know some of you will be bothered by this long list but let me just show my appreciation for all your patience and encouragement. Keep reviewing, you guys!!! Luv ya!


	13. Announcement Section

Date: April 20, 2003  
  
Hey minna! ^_^  
  
Yes, a SEQUEL! Can you guys believe that? I haven't even   
finished this one and already, I'm planning on writing a  
sequel. But, oh well!  
  
As I was writing the last chapters of SLY fic (yes, I'm writng the  
last parts already though I'm far from finishing the middle parts  
--- heh!), I thought of a sort of "Another side, Another story"  
kinda ending. (I've been playing too much PS2 games! eg. FFX)  
I don't know if you remember me writing that this is not going   
to be any other fic, well this is why... but before I could tell you,  
I have to ask you first.  
  
Do you guys want to know the WHOLE plot  
in advance? You see, in this fic, I need to know what you guys   
think with what I've been planning to do with this fic. And this  
especially involves all you Hotohori-Miaka fans! Hint? Nah!  
You'll just have to drop me an email or a review. Whatever.  
  
And yeah, if any of you guys are bothered, then don't bother  
emailing me! ^0^ I'll just go with my plan!   
  
To all those who have played FFX or Kingdom Hearts, this "Another   
side, Another story" will not necessarily have a sequel. It depends  
upon the kind of response I get. So there.  
  
I'll be waiting for any kind of response! ^_^  
Much thanks,  
g3ozLizh 


	14. Still Loving You 13

GOMEN!!!! I'm such a slow writer! *punches head* Here's the continuation! I'm hoping for a good review!!! *wink! wink!*

ANNOUNCEMENT: (May 23, 2002)

Due to the fact that I have to decide _now _where this fic will go, there's no need to vote. So an infinite thanks ^_^ to all those who took their time to vote but it has to be stopped now that I need a direction on my fic. Okay, I know that even if how much I pray, there will really be some people who will what --- get mad at me, maybe? Gomen for that! ^_^; But I really have to make this a Hotohori+Miaka fic! *dodges bullet* Please, if you all kill me now, I wouldn't be able to write a Tamahome+Miaka fic. 

(Underlined names are FanFiction authors; go check out their works!) May 15, 2002

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Catherine: Wow! That was really something! Hope it pays off!!! ^_^ Though I really wasn't expecting anyone to vote anymore… Oh and tell your friend she's one great reader and fan of T+M!!!! You too! ^_^

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D'zrt: Whoa! You sure did write a lot… or I'll just say you reviewed a lot. No, no! I'm not complaining. I like it! Hope others can be more like you! *hinting at readers out there* A little criticism/suggestion would be nice. =^.^=

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Justine: Waahh!!! Just don't kill me if it turns out to be a H+M… please… @.@ If that happens, as I have mentioned before, I'll make another fic; this one no votes necessary. Simply Tamahome & Miaka. How does that sound, eh?

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Meg: Ooh! Does Meg mean Megumi? Hmm… a T+M vote. Are there really that few Tamahome & Miaka fics out there?

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mYbeLLe: Never fear! g3ozLizh is here. Go tell your tutor that what you did was out of pure dedication. She/He should admire you for it! Like I do!!! *_*

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~V-TrAiN~: Whew! Your name is one tough to write ^_^ that I quickly clicked on save. I assume this is your suggestion. Pretty good! I have to see if I can place it somewhere, though. If I don't use it here, I will probably make use of it on another fic, k? Thanks for suggesting! ^_^

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Taima: Hah! ^_^ Really, you'll do that? Then I'll make a 25-chaptered fic just for you. Let's see if you can survive it! *.* Heehee.. just kidding!

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Fairest of them All: *blushes* Really? *blushes again* I don't know what to say… *and literally goes speechless* :p

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Amisu: Great! A FanFiction author just reviewed my fic! Thanks for the compliment… Why not suggest one of your great fic for me to read and review?

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scarlet.tennyo: 0_o OooOoHh! I'm getting kinda confused here! I thought T+M coupling are the ones with lesser stories here? *waves dismissively* So you got fics written about H+M too! Can't wait to read those. And no thank _you_. I should be the one expressing my gratitude for you guys loving my fic so much. *sniffs* @_@ Excuse me for the watery eyes… I'm just so touched! Waaahhh!!

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Michiru_of_neptune: Thanks! Hope I can end it good too! And pleeeeaasseeee review again! ^_^

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Mistress of All Worlds: And you're a great reader! Hehehe… Well, according to the reviews, this fic will probably be a H+M… Uhh should I type ^_^ or L . Hope the former!

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bcaprz: So sorry for that. (-.-) That was still the first half anyway. I got the whole chapter 12 out. Hope it's better! Oh, and belated happy b-day!!! TooT!

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Violette: *laughs* No, not 50 chapters. Just 20. I'll most probably write longer chapters.

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Raven: Two Miakas? ('_')? Probably not. :p I don't know if I can pull that one off. But I'll definitely write a T+M! 

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Tooya: Yes, Your Highness! I shall fulfill my promise to Tsukino! And you'll definitely be seeing more (that I'll occupy half of FanFiction, hehehe…) of my fics soon ^_~

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Makoto: ^_^ ^_^; *squeaks* But this turned to be H+M…

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Fatal Blade: *laughs* Mental asylum, eh? Tell me when you do end up there… maybe you can inspire me to write another story --- and hopefully accomplish another reader ending up in the same situation as you're in! Hihi… just kidding!

*Hey! I'll just combine all my thanks in one chapter, k? In the next or last chapter, probably… I've getting confused as to who's next in line! 

Akai Kuu is my beta-reader but this chapter isn't beta-read yet (nor the other chapters!) I planned on waiting for Akai Kuu to finish beta-reading everything but I feel that I have to post this now what with the long wait I put you all through! So bear with the past-present-future-tense errors!!! n_n

Written on June 1-4, 2002. Writer's block!!! 0.o

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Still Loving You…

__

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter Thirteen

After what seemed like hours lying out there in the cold rain, Miaka only managed to push herself up in a crawling position for her head throbbed like crazy. She delicately shaded her swollen eyes from the needle-like shower of raindrops. She staggered getting up and when she finally accomplished to stand on two feet without feeling like fainting or retching, she hugged her arms to her chest, bracing herself as still more rain soaked her to the bone, making her shake uncontrollably.

The first thing that entered her weary mind was to find a nice, warm place. Without even thinking where she was heading, her feet started going forward into the deeper part of the grove. Right now, she wanted to get as far away as possible from the core of her pain. The image of Tamahome turning his back on her was enough to send another batch of tears from falling. 

__

You said you loved me yet you couldn't find it in your heart to forgive me… _Loved? _She stopped on her tracks,thinking._ Yes, he _did_ love me. _Did_… _She suddenly felt colder so she resumed trudging along the mudded path with her head hung low and tightened her arms around her but the effort was in vain for the cold feeling only seemed to grow. _Here I am, comforting myself… I'll just have to accept the fact that his arms will never be around me again…_ she could not stop that thought from crossing her mind even if it hurt 'coz it's the truth… right?

For the next passing minutes of walking against the merciless rain, she did nothing but brace herself tighter still --- it seemed possible for she had shrunk not only in self-esteem and love. She felt so small now, now that she's all alone in a world, in another time where she wasn't even born, where she didn't grew up with.

She raised her eyes to the sky in hopes of finding comfort from it but she only found herself cursing it for not making things any easier for her. As if in response and with an unvoiced answer that it is not to blame, the rain calmed down and then eventually ceased. 

She came upon a clearing and when her mind thought she could still go on, her body had taken its toll and she collapsed to the ground.

~*@@@*~

"Are you all sure?"

"Yes, Your Majesty." The head of the troop kneeled down with head bowed. "We've asked, looked and even searched their homes but there's really no sign of the Maiden."

"Really? Then maybe you aren't looking hard enough. Search again." He was tired and very much worried about Miaka so he's snappier and commanding than usual.

"Yes, Your Majesty. Right away." He stood up then bowed his head again before walking back to his group.

"Wait."

The head guard stopped then quickly turned to address the Emperor.

"Make sure that nobody who is innocent gets hurt during your search." The demanding tone was gone, only weariness left yet it still was firm.

"Yes, Your Highness." He then turned to address his members.

_Miaka, where are you? Please be safe._

~*@@@*~

Tamahome trudged wearily back to his camp. 

Yui met him by the doorway. "How --- "

"I don't really wanna talk about it." He pulled the flap open and went inside.

Yui turned to follow him. She stood by the entrance, watching his movements and from what she observed, "You still can't get over her," she spat out bitterly.

Tamahome removed his shirt then sat down on the edge of the bed, back to Yui. "I won't lie to you, Yui. I still love her… and I thought we could be together," he paused as if hit by what he said. "But certain things and circumstances taught me otherwise."

"Oh, I see. So you expect me to feel better with what you just said?"

"Yui, I knew from the start that whatever happens, nothing will change my feelings for her and that no matter how hard you try, you'll always be affected by that fact."

"But I won't give up on you like what she did."

Tamahome was silent, then pulled his shoes off.

"See how she gave up easily on you. Look at me, after all these time, I'm still here." She walked forward until her knees touched the edge of his bed on the other side so that she can only face his side. "Doesn't that tell you something?"

"…"

She walked closer around the corner of the bed until she was in front of him. He didn't look up so she kneeled down and caressed his face with her hands. She glanced up at his face with the eyes that still won't meet hers.

"I never stopped loving you and hoping that… you'll love me too."

The situation seemed so familiar somehow: I love you, hope you will love me too… For the briefest of time, he saw her in the place of Hotohori and knew how lonely and sad it could be to be… just like what he's feeling now. And then she saw himself in Miaka's place. 

Looking into the sincere and hoping eyes of Yui, he was somewhat surprised… and moved by the feelings they portrayed. _Was this how you felt toward him, Miaka? Was this why you kissed him?_

The anger rose up within him so when Yui brushed her lips against his, he didn't pull away but he didn't exactly respond.

_You, the Maiden of Suzaku. I, your Protector. Isn't it that what we hoped to accomplish in the end is peace and happiness? Isn't it that being the Maiden and Protector, we have to accept the sacrifices it entails?_

Yui pressed herself up closer, still kissing him. And still he did not respond.

_Maybe this is for the better, Miaka. There will never come a time again that you'll have to choose between me and Hotohori. At least this way, I know that you'll somehow be happy with him. You won't fall prey to Seiryuu's bait just because I'm your weakness, thus, you can perform your duties as a Maiden better and be safer in the process. _

Me, I'll eventually learn to love Yui, I guess. It doesn't really matter. All that matters is that…

He slid his hand to the back of her neck.

__

… however crazy this might sound…

He brushed back his lips in return. Once, twice.

__

I'm doing all these for you.

In his mind's eye, he saw what Miaka might have done. Kiss in return.And with that, he welcomed Yui's kisses.

~*@@@*~

Who ever said one can fully fathom love?

Here he is, worrying himself out about a girl he knew would never return his feelings, about a girl who's probably with Tamahome right now…

_Problem is, none of us don't know where Tamahome is… I just have to make sure she's safe!_

Hotohori sat forlornly on his bed, feeling helpless because their search for Miaka had been futile. He kept thinking why he ever said those things to her. Then maybe she would not have left… and she'll be here safe. 

__

With me?

He furiously shook her head, erasing the tempting thought of her on his mind. 

Just as he was about to change into his robes (he's wearing what he wears when he is journeying with Miaka and the group in the series), a knock made him stop.

"Yes, come in," he firmly called out in his authoritative voice. _Maybe they found something about Miaka!_ He quickly walked to open the door himself. He was about to when the door opened, hitting him on the forehead.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Your Majesty! I didn't know…"

A young woman stood there with a tray laden with food. He thought something then stopped.

"Nuriko?"

The woman blushed, probably because she was mistaken to be the Nuriko of the Suzaku Seven who happens to be a man. She timidly shook her head. "No, Your Majesty. I am Houki."

~*@@@*~

Situated somewhere on the mountains, a cozy little house made of strong wood and cement is inhabited by a middle-aged couple.

Out of the blue, there came a loud knock on their front door.

Inside one of the rooms, a middle-aged woman by the name of Sayumi got up from her seat beside a bed. "Wait just a minute here, dear," she spoke softly to the weak figure lying on the bed. Annoyed, the middle-aged lady came out to check who was knocking. _Now who could it be this time?_

When she opened the front door, she was greeted by two palace guards. "Yes?" She felt somewhat suspicious. Could it be that they have something to do with the young lady they had agreed to cure? _Maybe I should have let Hiko take care of her_, she thought, referring to the young man who had discovered the unconsious lady in the middle of the forest and brought her here to recuperate.

"Good evening. We would just like to ask if you've seen the Maiden of Suzaku around here?"

The lady gave them a confused look. "The who?" Being situated in the middle of the Konan and Kutou country didn't help matters. "Here? No, I don't think so."

One of the guards whispered something to his companion who nodded in agreement. Turning back his attention to her, he asked, "Then will it be okay if we search around the house?"

The lady was about to open her mouth to refuse when her husband cut her off.

"That would be okay." He just emerged form the room she exited from.

"Thank you." The two guards bowed and began searching the house. 

"I don't think that you should go in." the lady interrupted their search, joining her husband by the door. 

The husband looked at her and squeezed her hand in assurance. "It's okay. She's fast asleep."

"But she's sick and we haven't given her any clothes yet --- "

"I handed her a blanket."

One of the guards grunted, showing his impatience. "Please, we need to search other places still. This would just take a second."  
Finally, the lady consented though somewhat hesitant.

Both the guards entered the room and they only saw a girl, her back to them, huddled beneath a thick blanket that they only guessed her gender through her small and fragile figure.

"She's your daughter or anything?"

Before her husband could reply, the lady answered, "Yes and it would really be good for her if you two leave now. She needs her rest."

Remembering what their Emperor told them earlier, they left.

As soon as they were gone, the husband asked, "Honey, why did you tell them that?"

"I don't know… It's just that… what right do they have to come barging in? Besides, if the person they're looking for is the lady inside, I wouldn't let them take her. She's in a bad condition."

"You're taking this seriously, huh?"

"I am. I must. I have failed one life once in my time as a doctor… so now, even if I'm not anymore, I can't let anything like that happen again, Metsuke."

~*@@@*~

Miaka rolled over to her back, her muscles protesting to the movement. She also noticed that she was burning high with fever. She also realized she was naked.

She whizzed her head on her surroundings, expecting to see the familiar walls of Taitskun's lair but only whirling walls greeted her. She immediately closed her eyes to stop the dizzy feeling and the urge to throw up. Her breath were in shallow short gasp and she clutched her stomach while all the while curling up into a ball to feel more warmth.

__

Where am I?

She heard the door open and would have turned to see who it was if not for her current state. She didn't need to anyway for whomever it was who entered rushed immediately to her line of vision upon seeing her in pain. 

"Dear, what happened?" 

As Miaka fluttered her eyes open, she saw through moist eyes the image of a middle-age woman looming before her. _Did Taotskun finally got that facelift or is this woman not her at all?_

"Here, take this medicine. It will make you fell better." She handed her a pink viscous liquid in a tiny cup.

Miaka willingly took it and was grateful when she fount that it tasted sweet not bitter or she would have really puked.

The woman smiled knowingly. "It tastes delicious, doesn't it?"

"Yes. Thank you," Miaka managed to croak out.

Hastily, upon seeing her discomfort, she handed her a mug of cool water. "Here, take this water too to clear and freshen up your throat."

As Miaka smiled thanks and drank the water, the woman started talking.

"You know, if it weren't for that young man Tenchi, you could have been in a much worse condition."

Seeing her patients tired expression, she sighed good-naturedly and stood up, taking the empty mug and empty small cup with her. "Well, I should rest now. We could talk about this once you get better." She turned then halted and whirled to face her again. "And oh, I'll be bringing in your new clothes… well, not new but they're something that could cover you up quite nicely…" she sniffed, a faraway expression on her face then quickly shook her head resignedly and the look disappeared. She grinned down at the girl. "Be right back!"

~*@@@*~

"Come in."

Suboshi quietly entered the room. 

Yui glanced at his direction. "Oh, it's only you." She then turned back to combing her blonde hair.

Suboshi's hands involuntarily clenched into fists. "Why? Were you expecting me to be Tamahome?"

Yui huffed. "Nonsense! I just came from his room and he's sleeping now." She smiled, regarding him through his reflection on the desk mirror. "Besides, I guess he's probably pooped out form all the action we did."

Suboshi's brow furrowed. "Action?"

Yui rolled her eyes. "I mean to say making out."

"Making out?"

"You know," she gestured with her hands impatiently."Kissing and stuff." She rolled her eyes again. "Figures. You haven't tried it yet, have you?" She glanced at him from the mirror. "No, don't answer it, I know."

"Well, you shouldn't be all smiling. You know that he really doesn't love you."

"Really? And you do?"

Before Suboshi had the chance to open his mouth and finally admit to the Maiden of Seiryuu that he does, Yui cut in.

"Who are you to say that anyway? You're definitely not in the place to know how it feels."

"Oh, but I do know. Your falling in love with Tamahome is the same thing as me falling in love with you."

Yui whirled around on her chair to glare at him. "How _dare_ you???"

"The same thing you do with telling Tamahome that you deserve him better that Miaka."

"But I am much deserving! And you know what? You don't! So just please, _leave_!"

He was exasperated with himself. He shook his head. It wasn't the kind of conversation he had in mind. Opening his mouth, Suboshi tried to explain himself. "Yui, it's not ---- "

"Leave!"

Suboshi knew that in one way or the other, he had hurt Yui even if his only intention was to make her realize how wrong she is and the hole she is digging for herself will only hurt her in the end. But try as he might, he knew that he can only do so much and the rest is up to Yui herself.

He bowed down. "I'm sorry." Silently, without another word or even a look, Suboshi exited the room.

Yui was still in her standing position, her whole body shaking from rage. She slammed her comb down and threw herself on her bed, hugging her blankets.

Only then when she was alone did she let her tears fall.

Author's Notes: 

I am _so_ bad, aren't I? Yep, I didn't leave the ending in a cliffhanger but I did do it in the middle Hotohori scene. Hehehehe… Anybody willing to be my beta-reader for the meantime? *sweet smile*

Ack!!! Is Houki going to get in the way and prolong Miaka's agony and shatter whatever is left of Miaka's broken heart? And what about Tamahome? Is Yui going to have her way? Poor Suboshi… anyone up for a Suboshi-Yui pairing? And please, don't think that I love torturing Miaka! I just think that it is a good factor to the plot.

Comments, suggestions, does my choice of vocabulary redundant or bland? Tell me or better yet, suggest! They are all welcome!!! Domo arigatou!


	15. Miaka's Lie

Author's Notes:

This chapter may be confusing, you'll know what I mean. Hint: Miaka's letter

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Still Loving You…

__

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter Fourteen

Three months had passed and silence reigned the palace of Konan. But underneath that veil of silence lies an unwavering melancholy… and emptiness. Somehow, things just didn't feel right.

During that span of time, about a day from Miaka's disappearance, a letter was arrived for the Emperor of Konan.

It was early evening and a figure was standing just outside Miaka's former room, facing the dimly lit expanse of green land before him. Emperor Hotohori glanced down and read the paper over and over again. 

As what is scrolled in her ever so familiar handwriting, the letter, emanating with much enthusiasm as what you would expect from Miaka, read that she is currently living with Tamahome somewhere along the boundaries of Konan and hoped to settle any misunderstandings, problems between them before going back to the palace. And probably a period of time to spend with him. A fresh new start was what she wanted to have. Finally, he was assured of Miaka's safety.

He looked up and stared blankly ahead. Over the softly-rushing pond, over the gentle-shaking bushes, over the graceful swaying of the willowy trees, beyond the horizon. As far as the eyes that emptily gazes can see. The hand tenderly holding the letter slowly went down to the sides. 

__

She is forever gone from me.

Hotohori closed his eyes and tried vainly to conceal the pain of the finality behind her words. As if on cue, a rush of wind blew against him, its cold, damp, refreshing ways brushing past. It heightened his sense of loneliness and yet, it offered something… anew. What comes along with that finality is not the end but a start of something new.

__

You have a new life now. I must go on with my own, no matter how much I don't want to. Living without you is like experiencing being all alone in this world all over again. When you came into my night-painted world, you brought the morning and everything bright and cheery about it with you. The nights only served to complement that morning and together, they balanced. Together, they made the day whole as much as you made my life complete. So now that you're gone, the night-painted world is darker than ever.

He had never gotten over Miaka… and never will. 

__

I'm sorry, Miaka, for failing to keep my promise; a part of my heart will always be for you.

He opened his eyes and stared up the sky. There were no stars twinkling, no moon shining, no life at all. Just a vast empty black space staring back at him. Somehow, that did not surprise him. It just seemed right that it would be that way since everything else is falling apart.

He took a chance to glance once again at the last line that held sadness as much as promise in them: _Thanks so much, Hotohori, you've done so much. I can only hope that you will find your much-deserved happiness as I have. I will pray to Suzaku for you to find that certain girl who does not gobble everything in sight. _Then a big genki face of what Hotohori assumes to be Miaka's attempt on drawing herself.

A soft smallest of smiles, as if hesitant to touch the coldness of feelings, crept itself on the swordsman's stoic expression. _You will always be the Miaka I know… only, I wished it was… you will always be my Miaka._

But I will not fail on my other promise…

He may not have recalled it until now for fear of being reminded of a promise… a moment in time flashes back in his mind. 

__

They just stared at each other like that for what seemed like eternity, arms around each other, memorizing each detail, each feature, whatever they could at the little time they have left and engraving it in their minds and hearts. They know that this would be last sweet memory they will have together, along with the other memories that each of them will treasure for life. 

And in those eyes, Hotohori read the invincible message in it: Hotohori, promise me you'll move on. You have so much to give.

What happened next, he barred it from resurfacing but it flowed out anyway just as his love for Miaka is unstoppable.

__

Finally, Hotohori spoke. "Miaka, would it be okay to… to kiss you one last time and to say I love you?"

Miaka nodded, trembling with unexplained emotions --- emotions that she didn't know she harbored.

So with her consent, Hotohori leaned down, bringing his lips closer to the woman he loved but will love forever. At the touch of his lips on hers, Miaka's whole body quivered, melting in his warm embrace. In between kisses, Hotohori would whisper I love yous and Miaka just can't help kissing him back. It's as if they're doing everything now to fill those years to come that they're not together anymore.

He didn't know he had his eyes closed until he felt the tiniest hint of liquid trailing down his cheek. His voice barely reached that of a scream but it was spoken with such conviction. "No!" he thrashed with his arm, the letter crumpled in his grip. "I must stop this!" 

Once again, he opened his eyes and then took a deep breath. 

For the sake of his promise, for the sake of the empire --- 

"Your Highness."

His silent moment with himself was broken. He was not taken by surprise by the sudden interference nor did he bother turning around.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but your dinner with Miss Houki is ready."

He still didn't move but he replied, "Yes, tell her I'll be coming there shortly."

… _I will move on._

Author's Notes:

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Me: Now that was pretty short… bur hopefully sweet. 

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Readers: "…"

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Me: *eyebrow twirches* Well, I did say _hopefully_, I didn't say it _is_!

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Chibi-Hotohori: Calm down, g3ozLizh-san. *pats heaving shoulder* They understand that you're… you are… err… (what goes on his mind: you're lazy and didn't take the effort to really sit and write! What about the poor readers who were rooting to see me and Miaka together again???) err…

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Chibi-Tasuki: *noncommittally* What he meant to say is you're really in a deep shit if you don't start working you're but off now.

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Me: *swivels on computer chair to shoot daggers at Tasuki* Why you… *fists shaking*

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Chibi-Tasuki: *as if reading my mind* Honestly, I don't think I really owe ya anything 'coz… *he calmly stands up then waves arms frantically in the air* you didn't even bother including me in it!!!!

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Chibi-Nuriko: Yeah and what was that about my part? *makes a face* 

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Me: Hey! I included both of you!!!

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Chibi-Nuriko: *waves a hand dismissively* Yeah, whatever.

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Me: *totally ticked off* I don't see Chichiri complaining!

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Chibi-Tasuki: *smirks* That's because he isn't here.

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Me: *looks around, confused* What?

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Chibi-Nuriko: And probably the others who you did not "include" doesn't even know of this fic! *dryly says this* 

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Me: That's it! That's the last straw! For someone so cute, you two could really piss me off!

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Chibi-Hotohori: *intervenes* Now, now, let's not get excited here.

****

Me: *doesn't pay attention to him* You're gonna get this, you two! Take this!

*punch! punch!*

****

Me: NO!!! Hotohori!!!!!

*Hotohori falls over with a bump on the head and a black eye, his eyes unfocused.*

****

Me: I need him for his next scene with Miaka! Gaah!!! 

****

Chibi-Nuriko: Ooops! *covers mouth* Guess that's another "excuse" for you to delay this fic! (think of Nuriko in the first episodes with this) Ohohohohoho!!!

****

^_^ Hopefully, you guys will review. This is just a sort of interlude as I will be fast forwarding three months. And (this may be good or bad), I have just realized that this isn't anywhere near the ending of my fic!!! And this is not a PWP (plot- what plot?). 

OOCness? Tell me. You tired of waiting? Tell me! Just want me to get it over and done with (read: just tell you the whole story in a summary one chapter flat)? Tell me!!!

Arigato for reading this far!

****

A million thanks to the readers who never fail to leave a review (you know who you are!)!!! Bear with me, guys! .

And yeah! I love Toya of Ayashi no Ceres!!! *drools*


	16. Still Loving You 15

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi is not mine. Don't sue, please!

Auhtor's Notes: 

My! Thanks so much for all your reviews! ^0^ I'll have my proper show of appreciation to everybody by the last chapter of this fic!

__

Two hearts will cross once again

While another rediscovers

The love long lost by pain and circumstance…

--- g3ozLizh

****

Still Loving You…

Chapter Fifteen

Miaka walked along the familiar streets of Konan, deep in thought. It had been 3 months since she last set foot on this place and it brought back unwanted memories --- not in the sense that they bring unpleasant memories but because it only served to remind her of what she had lost.

She planned on returning to the palace but found herself hesitating, doubting if she's still welcome or not.

_What will I say to Hotohori?_

She cursed the day she wrote him those packs of lies… that… that letter. Nevertheless, she couldn't deny that somehow, it had been for the better… or was it?

She had been seeking peace not only of mind but also of heart. And she thought that hiding herself would enable her to accomplish such a long lost companion to her troubled mind and heart. How wrong she was. Yes, she did experience peace --- but it is not the same ---, along with the company of the warm couple who took care of her like she was part of a family.

Family? How long has she been away from her family? From Keisuke and her okaa-san? Unless she accomplishes this Suzaku business, she couldn't return. Even if she could, she wouldn't. Why?

_Why?_

Simple. She loved.

Then she stopped short.

_Yeah. Loved,_ she thought forlornly. How long has it been since she experienced its power? It's overwhelming sensation?

She couldn't remember. These past three months were more like an eternity to her. Time dragged, chaining her to her past, making forgetting harder. But is that what she really wanted? To forget?

Time, healer of all wounds, failed to heal the ache. 

And is that so bad?

Maybe it had its purpose. After all, there's a reason for everything. Why we still breath, why we need love to survive, why we need to feel pain…

A masculine voice reverberated in her head. _There are just some things that can't be explained._

Just hearing his voice, even if it's only in her mind triggers all her pent-up emotions to spill, memories of not so long ago resurfacing once again. How many nights had she spent thinking the same thing over and over again? Yes. He had that kind of effect on her. 

_Tamahome, you told me that I have reason to believe that you left me for a reason. But what is it? Up to now, I still don't know why you left me._

She gazed up the bright blue sky, eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Tamahome…" _Am I suppose to believe that you don't love me anymore?_ Somehow the question didn't feel right. She swallowed the lump in her throat. _Am I suppose to believe that what we… had meant nothing to you that you could just decide to leave… just like that?_

"Oh, darn it!" she frowned. After all this time, he was still on her mind.

And maybe that's one of the reasons why she couldn't make herself go back to the palace. _Hotohori will be there and… and I couldn't let myself love him. No._

How ironic. Just as she have the freedom to fall back into his arms… 

_Tamahome, I'll prove to you, even if it will cause me eternal loneliness, that you'll be the only man I will ever love._

~*@@@*~

"Tamahome, would you like some ohagi? I made one --- "

"No. Thanks."

Her smile faltered. He didn't even glance at her. Yui felt like pulling her hair in frustration. One minute he surprises her with his sudden act of… love then the next he's stone cold towards her. What is wrong with him?

_You know what's wrong_, a voice in the back of her mind pointed out.

She ignored it just as she ignored his curt reply. Bringing back the smile to her lips, she stepped inside the room and placed the tray with the ohagi on the small table before hugging him from the back.

Tamahome remained motionless, unresponsive, sitting by the huge windowsill, despite the way Yui was embracing him with her face against his back. (A/N: Much like the one where Yui usually sits. You know what I mean, right?) He had nothing on on top and only drawstring pants below.

Yui closed her eyes, taking in the feel of his broad lean back against her body, before opening them again with a soft contented sigh. "I missed you this morning. Where were you?"

No answer.

Yui's forehead furrowed in concern. "Tamahome?" When he still had not said a word, she gently pushed herself and stood upright to stare at him. "Tamahome?" she called him again, this time with more force.

"I went for a walk."

Relief flooded her body. She waited for him to expound but it seems like he wouldn't anytime soon. 

Yui stared hard at his back, hoping her eyes to bore into his head so that she would know what's running in that mind of his. She furiously blinked back tears. Even after all she did, all her time and effort, she couldn't seem to reach out to him. She wanted him so bad that it almost sometimes tear her inside.

_Tamahome, what do I have to do to get through to you? Tell me!!!_ She felt like shouting at him. But knowing him for the past few months, he wouldn't even flinch. Gone was the man who had passion emanating from him, vigor in his actions and the animated personality she was drawn into so much. He usually would speak whatever was on his mind, fight for his belief and do things without thinking twice. She loved that spirit in him so much so that she wanted to be part of it. To be part of what makes him do what he does.

His inspiration? His reason for living?

He used to make her smile even in his littlest action for they seem so… determined and intense. But now, he is just one dead shell of a man. Now is that a picture of a man who has a motivation to live?

She didn't want to answer. Not because it was hard to know what the answer was but because it would hurt so much to admit.

Once, she thought that he was finally hers, that night where they first kissed inside the tent, right after he broke up with Miaka. She should have known that it was too soon. Too soon for him.

Too soon for his fierce love for her.

"Why can't you just forget her?"

"Who?"

"You know the hell who I'm talking about!!! Do yourself a favor, Tamahome! Stop moping over her!"

"I'm not."

"Yeah? I don't see you moving on with your life! Gods! You were the one who decided to end it with her!"

He was silent for a moment before he spoke, "Was I?" Tamahome slowly turned his head to look at her.

Yui had to stifle a gasp. Tamahome's eyes held on a strange look ofconfusion, sorrow and hollowness all mixed together. She only noticed them now… no! Not noticed. Something was really different about him, something she couldn't quite put a finger on. What is happening… or rather, what had happened?

Tamahome turned his gaze back to the sky out the window again. "Sometimes, I feel like I don't know myself. I do things that I wouldn't normally do and regret it the next."

Yui flinched, his words hitting her like a cold, sharp knife. Involuntarily, her hands clenched into fist at her sides.

"What's strange is, I do it again anyway."

His previous cold demeanor coupled with the perplexity from what he had just openly told her, Yui didn't know what to say so she cast her head down.

Seconds passed before he spoke again.

"Yui?"

Her head gave a little jump of happiness at the tender sound of her name on his lips. She snapped up her head and asked in an almost breathless whisper. "Yes?"

"Could you… could we…?"

__

Yes. I would do anything. Just tell me! Yui wanted to reach out to the man slowly opening up to him.

"Yui?"

"Hai. What is it?"

"Could you leave me alone for now?" 

Or is he?

"What?"

"…"

Yui sighed in disappointment and resignation. "Of course."

~*@@@*~

He was outside the palace, watching the hustle and bustle of the people.

"Thwat's the Empewor, Okaa-san? But it's a woman!"

The mother quickly silenced her child with a stern look. "Miya! That's not a nice thing to say." Sensing that the Emperor's gaze was on them, she bowed apologetically, her face red from the roots of her hair. "Your Majesty, we apologize --- "

Hotohori held up a hand to stop the mother form blabbering, an amused smile on his face. "It is all right. I'm quite actually amused by you're little girl's honest impression of me."

The woman found his remark to be peculiar. Not knowing what to say, she gave an awkward funny look before hastily excusing herself and the child.

As he watched their retreating backs, he could still hear the little girl's voice insisting about the Emperor's gender. "But he wooks wike a woman!!!"

Hotohori chuckled silently. She so reminds him of someone. 

__

Just say the name, Hotohori.

So he gave in. _Miaka._

Somehow, the mention of her name didn't tug at his heart anymore. _If she's happy, I'm happy._ For the past three months, he had made sure to live by the promise and to just accept that it's Tamahome who was destined for her, not him. So then why had he not chosen to marry Houki yet amidst the constant hint and reminder from his council of elders?

As what his always answer was:

__

It's too soon.

~*@@@*~

He checked on her again this morning and…

Miaka wasn't in the cottage by the mountains. And from what he had heard, she hadn't told the couple where she was going. Call this a vibe but Tamahome was pretty sure something big was going to happen and an undeniable ache in his heart was present… something he hadn't felt for a long time.

Tamahome clutched his head in agony, eyes shut. Something was wrong with him. Very wrong…

__

Miaka…

~*@@@*~

"Hey, lady!"

It took a few seconds for Miaka to realize she was the lady being referred to. She turned her head to the direction of the voice and gave the grumpy man a questioningly look with eyebrows raised. "What?"

He was standing behind his little stall just a few feet away from her. "You're steeping on my paper fan."

"I what?" She looked down and there indeed was the fan crashed by her foot. She bent to pick it up only to find it smudged with dirt and… crooked. She walked towards the man and handed the fan back to him. "Gomen, I --- "

"I won't accept any apologies. You destroyed it, you pay for it." The man angrily crossed his hairy arms across his chest, thick eyebrows knitted together.

The nerve of the man! "It wasn't my fault it was lying on the ground where anybody could walk over it!"

The man jabbed a finger in her direction. "Then why did you say sorry? Doesn't it goes to show that you admit it's your fault?" The man gave him a smug look.

Miaka was infuriated. "Because it's the polite thing to do! You should be thankful that I even handed it to you. In the first place, it shouldn't be lying around where anybody can just trample --- "

"Save your breath. I don't need it. Just pay up!"

Fists raised ready to pound the man into oblivion, the police was just a moment too soon.

"Hey! What's all the ruckus here?"

Miaka turned to address the police. "Officer, this man here is accusing me of destroying his paper fan when in fact I did not!"

"Hah! Yes you did. You walked over it. You saw it yourself!"

"It was unintentional! And it's not even suppose to be lying around --- "

"Enough!"

It was a good thing that the officer had some sense of common sense unlike the illogical vendor. So the little dispute was settled with Miaka not needing to pay and the grumpy man muttering curses as she left.

She was walking without really knowing where she was going. So furious was her for the vendor that she didn't realize she was walking on _dangerous_ grounds.

Miaka stopped dead in her tracks. Before her, the majestic palace stood in all its glory and she couldn't help but replay in her mind all the wonderful memories she had with it.

The common folk walked pass by in front of her, doing their transactions or just plain strolling along like she did. What made her come back, she haven't got a clue. All she knew is that, she has to have a see and feel of the place again. It was like home to her.

She was standing beside a wall, hidden from plain view of the gates to the palace. She wouldn't take any chances. She couldn't. If Hotohori sees her, what would she say? Lying to him through a letter was one thing but lying to him --- vis-à-vis --- that's something else.

"But he wooks wike a woman!!!"

Miaka saw a little girl pouting as she tried to insist on her opinion.

"Miya, he's not. The Emperor just looks like one. It's a good thing he was kind enough to let that one pass." The mother patted the girl's crown of blonde head as the cute one continued to pout but she didn't argue this time.

Miaka chuckled half-heartedly. She can just picture herself once again as she tried to feel for the Emperor's _breasts_ and… 

She stopped her train of thoghts and her smile froze too. She was thinking of _him_ again.

"Baka! Baka! Baka!" she muttered, smacking her forehead with the palm of her hand. She turned around abruptly, causing her to crash against a person.

"You!!!"

Miaka realized it was the vendor from before. "What?" she shouted back.

"Look what you did to my eggs! They're all ruined!"

Miaka glanced down and true indeed, about more than two dozens of eggs lay broken on the ground.

"I… I… " She didn't know what to say. Was it really her fault this time? 

The man was stomping his foot. "This is twice in one day! You can't squeeze yourself out this time!"

So disoriented were her thoughts still that all she could do was stutter. "But… but…"

"No buts! I --- "

The man suddenly stopped ranting and he uneasily lowered his gaze. "Your Majesty." He bowed down.

Miaka froze. Suddenly, she couldn't breathe. Is it really Hotohori behind her?

Yes. His scent was filling her.

"Show some respect to the Emperor!" the man hissed through clenched teeth. He walked away to the other side, not wanting to let the girl get away after she had paid proper respect to the Emperor.

Miaka's eyes took on a frantic look. Maybe he wouldn't be able to recognize her with short_ blonde _hair. She must have the quickest turn around and back in her whole life. "Your Highness." She hoped she had bowed down enough to hide her face. With her voice, she didn't have to worry for it came out as breathless and low.

Just when Miaka thought she was safe, she slid over the scattered broken eggs. What was worse, she was falling back, flailing her arms to regain her balance… but to no avail.

When she felt Hotohori's arms catch her in time and his warm body against her back, she nearly fainted. She didn't know he still have this effect on her even after all this time.

He steadied her into a standing position only for her to cry out in pain.

"Miaka?!" He recognized her voice.

It seemed that she had sprained her ankle.

Miaka had no choice but to hold on to his shoulder and hiding her face from view is futile in her current position.

Hotohori didn't waste any time. Questions can be asked for later. He scooped Miaka up in his arms much to Miaka and the bystander's surprise.

Miaka could only let him as her face contorted in pain. Her ankle hurt so much… or was it her heart? 

****

To be continued…

Author's Notes:

Just to make all this clear, I'm not following a definite timeline in this fic and you might wonder on which portion of the series does this whole plot lie. Somewhere along the middle of the fic where they still hasn't summoned Suzaku yet. Notice the lack of "mystical magic" and any other events and elements from the series in this fiction of mine. I really am not doing so much in accordance with the series itself (is that bad?). What I do is just focus on the Tamahome-Miaka-Hotohori love triangle so don't be surprised that even if they still are on the quest for Suzaku, there is no much action or mention of that in this part --- yet --- I think… ^_^;; Hope I'm not confusing any of you! If any one of you would like to clarify some things, do drop me an email. I don't bite! ^_^ Or by leaving a review. Either way is okay.

But of course, if any of you have suggestions as to make the fic more in sync with the happenings in the series, let me know (email, review section) and I will add it and give you credit. 

Till next time! (^_^) V

Ja ne!

g3ozLizh


	17. Still Loving You 16

Disclaimer: I don't own FY. It belongs to its rightful creator.

This is for you guys!!!!!!

****

Still Loving You…

Chapter Sixteen

She was made to lie on a bed despite her protest. She had been glancing around the room, realizing that it was the room she stayed in when she used to be there, when the opening of the double-doors made her snap her head to face that direction. Miaka waited several seconds before a doctor was ushered into the room.

Hotohori was looking concerned as per usual, walking behind the middle-aged doctor, as she took notice. Miaka then felt a warm sensation creeping up her whole body and she had to look away before he catches her gaze and notice her reddening face.

The whole time the doctor was busily attending to her injured ankle and asking her questions which she would just quietly answer absentmindedly, she found herself being conscious of her appearance. Her hand unconsciously reached up to touched her hair. How could she not be conscious? Though she couldn't actually see Hotohori staring at her, she can feel it as the hairs on her skin could attest… not to mention the tingling sensation at the tip of her fingers.

When the doctor was finished, which didn't take more than twenty minutes, he stood up and began putting things back into his black bag after which he shut with a loud snap, startling Miaka though she was blankly staring at it the whole time.

This signaled for the doctor's exit… and a moment alone with Hotohori. Hundreds of thoughts run through her mind yet not one of them seemed to stay put that she couldn't find the right things to say when the doctor was gone. She noticed that Hotohori was still standing there, only 3 feet away.

Is it possible to feel warm inside a wide well ventilated room? She knew the change in her body temperature wasn't in any connection with the atmosphere of the room --- it was another kind of atmosphere.

The seconds ticking by was torturing that she had no choice but to look up and acknowledge his presence and risk the chance of reviving the feelings hidden deep inside though she is already at risk just by being in the same room with him.

It's either look up or be ungrateful for his help, Miaka chose the former.

Their eyes met and it felt like a bottle inside her popped open. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when a beautiful lady of about eighteen gracefully entered the room, standing by the doorway.

Miaka felt her eyes riveted to the lady in shimmering red silk, with her elegantly tied lilac-colored hair ornamented with sparkling tiny crystals, ruby red lips that seemed to stand out against her porcelain white skin that looked soft to the touch and violet eyes that held depth in them.

The Maiden of Suzaku wanted so much to believe that this was Nuriko dressed as a woman out to trick her as his welcoming surprise but her jealous heart told her otherwise.

_Jealous?_

Where is Nuriko anyway?

Miaka immediately shut her mouth the moment she realized that it was hanging open. She didn't know if it was from her interrupted word to Hotohori or simply from being caught off guard by the lady's refined beauty. 

"Lord Hotohori?"

The way she spoke his name, that silken feminine voice as compared to her unpolished loud one, made her flinch. 

Hotohori glanced over his shoulder.

He didn't walked towards her so maybe there's nothing ---

"Houki," came the simple greeting.

The --- Houki walked --- no, floated --- towards Hotohori and demurely smiled up to him. The latter smiled back and then she turned her head to Miaka's direction. "The Maiden?" She raised a delicate eyebrow in question.

Tried as Miaka to make Houki look in her mind as some sly fox from the future, there's no concealing her angelic features. And to top that off, kindness emanated from her. Miaka decided then on that this lady was hard to hate… or maybe just as easy because of this.

Hotohori saw Miaka's features turn sad and downcast though she tried to mask it with a smile. She was good at hiding herself behind her genki smile but not good enough for Hotohori not to distinguish a whole-hearted smile from a forced one. How many times have he reveled at how Miaka's smile always is sincere and not one lacking, he doesn't know.

Miaka sat up by the edge of the bed. "Konnichiwa, Houki-san," came her repressed verbal acknowledgement. She then cast her head down, focusing her eyes on the white bandages wrapped around her ankle as if it was the most marvelous thing she had ever seen since time immemorial.

It was hard though, that of keeping her eyes glued to her ankle. Somehow, she found herself facing them and eagerly pushing the image of Hotohori and Houki being wed off her perfidious mind

Just a bit behind to the side of Hotohori, Houki bowed slightly in return, the smile only seeming to grow brighter. "Nice to meet the Maiden at last."

Silence followed and Hotohori took this opportunity to speak. "Yes. It has been quite a while." The remark appeared to mean something else other than what Houki had said even though he didn't intend it to sound that way.

He could feel Miaka's relief, as the uneasy silence was broken. So she was really good at hiding… or there really wasn't anything to feel guilty about.

"Yes, I'm… we… " Miaka found it hard to make a coherent sentence. Her eyes darted from Houki to Hotohori to her lap, stalling time to gauge the situation.

Assuming that she must be hesitating to mention Tamahome's name in his presence, Hotohori nodded for her to go on, thinking that that would make her loosen up a bit There really shouldn't be any hesitance anyway. She had told him her choice and… he has accepted it.

"Yes, you and Tamahome…," he urged her to carry through yet it came out laced with the slightest thread of bitterness.

Or did he?

May it be a good thing or a bad thing that Miaka didn't detect that slight slip of sensitivity there, a look of despondency and agitation still passed her features. Something that Hotohori didn't expect.

__

Isn't she happy with him? At the viable answer to the query, a tiny flickering hope sparked inside of him however bad it seemed to be happy about such a plausibility. _Tamahome better not be hurting her in any way,_ he thought darkly albeit found it hard to believe that Tamahome would do something to hurt Miaka. His hand unconsciously rose to the hilt of his sword.

But that look of erratic emotions was only momentary for the next instant, Miaka was beaming from ear to ear. "We're both contented," was all she said, nevertheless it was enough to blow off whatever renewed hope there had been just seconds ago.

She didn't want to lie anymore than she wanted the topic of Tamahome to be brought up. But as hapless as her life has turned out, the one thing she prayed to avoid was being conveyed out like some weather talk. Miaka realized that it was even Hotohori who took the initiative.

_That's because he has already moved on with his life unlike you who still adamantly clings to the past as if that could lead to the future, _she reprimanded herself. _I must not let him pity me! It's enough that I've caused him this much trouble… It's bad enough that I've lied to him but… to pity me… I wouldn't be able to take it._ Inwardly, she shook her head.

Hotohori knew that for Miaka's sake, he have to appear happy about listening to any stories Miaka have to share concerning her life with Tamahome and he happy with the course his life has taken now, a consequence of her past decision. He couldn't let her bear the burden anymore: she thinking that because of her, he still is unhappy. After all, they were now both proficient at hiding from each other, both knew the familiar game from what their circumstances had taught them. 

So with a smile that felt more like a betrayal to his heart than making it feel good because of the "good" choice he is doing, he exclaimed, "That is… go --- great!" A bit louder than usual. A closed fist to his mouth, he cleared his throat seemingly aware of his "unproportioned" exclamation. 

Silence again hung in the air. It was thick enough for a knife to cut through it.

"Well." Houki said in a bright voice. "It is best that we leave Miaka, " she turned to smile at her as if to say if it's okay that she call her that way before turning back her gaze to the man beside him, "alone for a while. She needs rest."

Hotohori felt grateful for the chance to get out, sort his jumbled feelings and prevent his mouth from blundering anymore of his real emotions. He smiled, somewhat relieved. "Yes. That we must do." And with a smile that held so many things yet promised nothing in particular, Hotohori exited the room, followed by Houki whom after she was out, a guard came to shut the door.

Miaka didn't know what to do the moment she was alone. So she threw herself facedown on the bed and curled into a ball. Her ankle protested so she didn't move it any further.

_What was that all about?_ She asked herself, brows knitted together.

So much had happened that it wasn't long before she fell into a restless slumber.

Somehow, the image of Hotohori and Houki together bothered her more than she expected.

~*@@@*~

Yui marched towards Nakago's chamber, the scene not so long before still vivid in her mind.

_Something's not just right._ Yui hoped it isn't something that will sabotage her happiness with Tamahome.

_Happiness?_ a voice in the back of her mind asked.

"Yes, happiness," she mumbled in reply to the annoying voice's query. She didn't acknowledge that she herself do not sound convinced.

The moment she was in front of the huge double doors, she raised a fist and knocked twice with her knuckles. When she heard a grunt, she didn't bother to waste another one for confirmation to enter so she pushed open the door.

"Nakago?" she didn't bother to shut the door silently behind her before entering any further. 

The rustling of something like sheets could be heard from the left side portion and Yui noticed the shadows playing against the walls. The rooms here were divided only by walls and no doors were added. She walked towards the sound and was a bit taken aback though the situation that greeted her was not that surprising. She willed herself not to blush though she didn't look at them as she spoke.

Nakago sat on the bad with the sheets covering his lower extremities. Soi, for her part, had her bare back to her, sitting on the edge of the bed, a white blanket hiding her nakedness. When Nakago spoke up, she watched her over her shoulder.

Both didn't find the situation to be embarrassing at all.

"Miss Yui."

"I need to talk to you."

~*@@@*~

It took Nakago a good fifteen minutes before he emerged from his room, followed by Soi, who as soon as she went out turned to the opposite direction thereby leaving the two alone.

"What is so important that you can't wait for me in your room?"

Yui went straight up with her question. "Have you done something to Tamahome?"

Nakago didn't look surprised or even affected by the note of upset and apprehension in the Maiden's voice. His face remained expressionless. "What made you think that?"

Yui eyed him suspiciously as she spoke. "He's been acting strange lately."

Nakago felt just tiny bit of surprise and worry so that they didn't even register on his face… or maybe he was just good at hiding emotions. "Oh? Maybe you're tying him down too much."

Yui was not to be dodged. "Just answer my question, Nakago. Did you or did you not put Tamahome under a spell?"

"I'd really not be having this conversation with you." He then strode past her.

Yui turned her head and shot daggers at him over her shoulder. She turned her gaze back in front of her. "I demand to know." She calmly stated though all she really wanted to do was yell at him; she knew better of course, that that attitude wouldn't get her anywhere with Nakago.

It seemed to do the trick for she saw, out of her peripheral vision, that he stopped. "Do you really want to know?"

Fear crept up her body but she refused to be shaken by it. So in her calmest voice, she responded, "Yes. I do."

****

To be continued….

Author's Notes:

Hmmm… Okay, so will the secret (if there ever is) finally come out? If so, will this knowledge make Yui realized that living a life in forced actions is not worth it… or will she grasp on to what little bit of happiness it offers? Hopefully, more actions next chapter. Miaka and Houki got to have an unexpected talk and um… you'll be reading more of Tamahome next time! So T&M fans, watch out for it (that is, if you're still reading this ^_^).

So, go leave a thing or two to say! Feedback!

Again, thanks for reading this and sorry for the loooooooong wait. Next chapter is just around the corner now that I'm free from school obligations! *cheers* ^0^


	18. Loving You Still

Author's Notes: Decided to post this so that you guys will know that I'm still alive and well, though not kicking! ^_~ 

__

You know you really love a person when…

Just to make her happy.

You know you really love a person when…

Just to make her happy.

But the real concern is

How to do it right.

Simple.

Simply unmasked to see

Simply follow to be

That heart.

And you will discover

That heart in her is you.

--- g3ozLizh 

(Sheesh! I can't believe I'm including this stupid poem but oh well, I'm feeling kinda stupid today… tee-hee!)

****

STILL LOVING YOU…

__

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter Seventeen

Hotohori was walking down the hallway when he caught sight of Miaka sitting alone on one of the stone benches along the pond leading to the pavilion. He stopped and then turned to her direction, disregarding for the meantime whatever it was that he was suppose to do. As Hotohori drew nearer, he noticed that Miaka had on a yukata: a bright yellow one with little blossoms the shades of lavender, pink and peaches that gather more together near the hems. He was just a bit piqued as to where she got the outfit.

When he was just a couple of feet behind her, he opened his mouth to speak when he saw Miaka brush a tear away and sigh heavily. Her back was not entirely facing him and he can tell that something was really troubling her --- enough to make her cry --- that she didn't even took notice of him out of her peripheral vision. 

The early morning sun shone brightly but not to the extent that it blinds you.

So he watched her for a moment…

If anything, it made the girl… lady, as he prefer to call her… appear to be one of those beautiful paintings come-to-life exuding a feeling that moves you without reason. The wayward tendrils of her rich reddish-brown hair frame her rich features which at the moment holds only one expression, that of sadness. She has her eyes cast down and is biting her lower lip, probably keeping it from trembling, as she braces herself from an unknown coldness.

A pain tore through his heart seeing her like this. And to think that he had acted inconsiderately and densely to her feelings yesterday. Then again, she was hiding herself from him and he just thought that it would be better for her if he just acted as though everything was fine. How wrong he was…

It seems that he couldn't reach out to her anymore… Thinking back to the olden days --- though they hadn't add up to a year yet --- she would usually come running to him for comfort, especially if it involved Tamahome in any way but now… she's changed. Somehow, he could not comprehend as to why Miaka's change turned out this way for someone who insists that she's happy with the man she loves. Definitely, a girl in love and loved back do not act this way. Hotohori's brow furrowed.

__

So why is she?

Stupid question. Of course her being sad could only mean one thing: whatever had transpired between her and Tamahome, she's not happy with it. But wait --- is that really it? Or maybe it just seems that way because of this tiny clinging hope he always held in his heart for Miaka's love? 

He made a face in his mind; all this sorting of sorts is giving him a royal pain (AN: in the ass, I should add but Hotohori does not think that way ^_^).

Hotohori's heart paused for a moment. But even so, could it really be about Tamahome? At first he just thought that her behavior earlier was due to the fact that Houki was close to him but after thinking all these… 

Someone could not change that drastically… unless something drastic did happen.

Overwhelmed by all the questions, he decided then and there that he should stop thinking and start acting.

With hands together in front hidden by his sleeves, the Emperor walked regally as if he just happened to pass by and hadn't been standing there for the last five minutes.

Miaka sensed his presence at last as he drew nearer. She jumped off the stone bench and hastily, discreetly, wiped her face dry with the sleeve of her yukata before facing him. "Oh, Hotohori, you are here." She kept her hands clasped behind her, aware that it was shaking for the possibility that Hotohori had seen her crying. She rolled on her heels as he waited for Hotohori to come to a complete stop in front of her.

When Hotohori finally did, he replied, "Miaka, why are you here? Why aren't you still in bed? It's quite early." He gently smiled at her. "The Miaka I know was a sleeper…" Hotohori realized his mistake when he saw Miaka's features dim a bit before brightening up again. 

__

Had she really changed that much that even a mention of her old self upsets her? Hotohori mused while keeping the smile on his face.

__

Am I still the Miaka you know? "Well, you're awake too."

Both didn't seem to know what to say next. 

Hotohori admitted that it was a pathetic attempt to start a good conversation. He saw Miaka fidgeting with the end of the yukata's long sleeves. 

She must have sensed his quiet question so she took up the initiative to answer right away. "I saw this in the back of the closet. I kind of missed wearing one…"

He nodded. "You look really beautiful in it," Hotohori said softly, his eyes taking on a route slowly down then up again.

A very healthy pink color burned on Miaka's pale cheeks. Hotohori was always known for his straightforwardness.

Hotohori's eyes had on a playful look (or as much as the ever in-control Emperor could show that playful side of him), something that caught Miaka completely off guard and would have sweatdropped if not for the next string of words that came from his mouth that made her facefault instead.

"Though I dare say I would look equally beautiful in it."

"Hotohori, I… I…" She didn't know how to address something like this. What was she suppose to say --- Yes so you wanna borrow it sometime?

Astonishment was written all over the Emperor's face and Miaka then realized that she had said it out loud.

"Oh, Hotohori, what I meant to say was --- "

Hotohori chuckled. "I'm not offended. At least now you're smiling. I was only joking but perhaps if I needed to disguise myself again, I would be happy to accept your offer."

Before she knew what was happening, she let out a hearty laugh, one that she didn't know she still is able to do. 

__

Well, our first meeting was funny to say the least… she thought after the laugh subsided a bit. She smothered what was left of her laugh with her hand when she saw Hotohori giving him a quizzical yet amused look.

"You should laugh more often, Miaka. It does well to the heart… the memories that it brings with it…" Hotohori's voice faltered as an animated scene flashed before his mind. In it, Miaka was visibly feeling better at the mention that they were going to have lunch and then later, they had a talk before the streaming water and the lush mountains. It was the first time he talked to her about his personal life and he could still vividly remember feeling utterly at ease and light after having confided with her. Her soothing voice still rang in his ear as clear as if she was telling it to him right now.

And maybe she was, though not verbally. For the past few days she had been with him, he had felt that exact feeling of wanting to fly and just do what his heart told him to… just like what she had said.

__

And that kiss we shared. Her expression shifted to a wistful kind of look. _I remember… how I was able to forget the pain…even for the briefest moment… _She bit her lower lip. _Maybe… will that kiss have that same effect now? If ever ---_

Without any warning, Hotohori took a step forward or even steps more for the next instant, Miaka found herself enclosed by the heat emanating from him. She could only stare back at him with big searching eyes.

Like a breath brushing past her face, Hotohori said, "Just to let you know, Miaka…" He slowly raised his hand and then cupped one side of her face. "I would say anything to make you smile, even do anything… just to wipe these tears…" He shifted his gaze to something on her face and with that same hand, he wiped tenderly with the tip of his forefinger the tear that betrayed her heart. "… away."

He was making her feel breathless.

"Anything, Miaka. Anything for you…"

Author's Notes: (PLEASE DO READ)

Ano… I know this _is_ a short chapter for the long wait you guys endured (arigato for eternity! ^0^), but I just have to post this one up. The scene with Yui and Nakago as well as that of Tamahome, I have finished writing. BUT, they are all um… shaky, kinda. What I'm trying to say is that they don't come out as intense as I want them to be (they are one of the deciding scenes after all). So, I guess you'll just have to bear with this one for now. At this very moment, I'm listening to my FY soundtrack, hoping to absorb some of the good ol' romantic and funny feeling the series always does to me. AND, I've started viewing all the episodes again plus the OVAs. Hope that's enough to inspire me through the rest of this fic!

AND OF COURSE, YOU GUYS AND YOUR REVIEWS… THEY MAKE THIS WRITER IN ME PROUD OF WHATEVER LITTLE THING THAT SHE HAS ACCOMPLISHED. ^_^ KEEP THOSE REVIEWS COMING! 

And to those willing to help, in any little way like proofreading my fic or something and even sharing ideas with me, do drop me an email and this time, I'll certainly reply! ^_^


	19. Lying Still

Author's Notes:

Sorry, guys, but this is an incomplete chapter. Right now, I'm still recovering part of the file that I've lost. So sorry as for the inconvenience. I chose to post this now because I've made you wait for so long already! Don't fret for I'll just be remembering what I wrote that was lost. I'll post the complete one ASAP in this same chapter (not add one more). I want each chapter to be about 5000 words so that by the 25th one, I'll be able to wrap this up and if I have the time, revise the whole thing (grammar check, clean up all A/Ns…).

**STILL LOVING YOU…**

_By g3ozLizh_

Chapter Eighteen

Yui swallowed the frustration that was building up inside her as she waited for Nakago to tell her truth that he should have shared with her.

                Nakago stalled for time before he answered, studying her expression. "Let's just say I did both of you a favor… only difference is" --- he then gave a curt bow which seemed to mock Yui --- "I prioritized you, Maiden of Seiryuu."

                "You --- you mean to tell me I have him for all the wrong reasons?" Yui asked incredulously.

                "Think of it as whatever you like." Nakago smirked. "That never bothered you before. If I recall correctly, you're all up to any lengths just to get what you want."

                "What exactly did you do this time, Nakago? Tell me!"

                "It's something you wouldn't understand. Wait a little more and see what happens. I assure you, you'll appreciate it by then rather than if you know about it now."

                "But you don't understand, Nakago! Having Tamahome isn't merely about getting even with Miaka or because I want her to suffer the way I did! No! This time, I want Tamahome not because of her or anything for that matter! I _want_ Tamahome because I_ love_ him!"

                Nakago gave a short laugh. "Listen to yourself, Yui. You've not only have grown too soft but you've grown pathetic. Not likely what the Maiden of Seiryuu should be."

                "Then I don't want to be the Maiden of Seiryuu anymore!"

                With that, Nakago turned sharply to face her. He stared hard and Yui could have shrunk from that gaze if not for the overwhelming anger she had for him.

 "Really? Do you think it will be easy as that? You've sworn to protect this country, Yui. What would all those people say?"

                "I don't care!"

He continued on as if he didn't hear her. "You wouldn't do that or else I'll tell Tamahome what you did that he saw…"

                "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything!" She searched frantically in her mind what it was that Nakago made her do involving Tamahome but none surfaced.  "I'll tell him I didn't have anything to do with with whatever it is that you're saying!"

                "You will? Certainly he'll find that hard to believe when all the evidences point to you. You want him so bad so you ordered us to do a little trick. Why else would we want to capture him? Isn't it that from the start, we captured him for you, by your orders. And it would be too much of a coincidence that he had an ambush and woke up finding that you somehow saved him with your men."

                "I don't know what you're talking about, Nakago!" Yui felt herself falling and falling in a pit without knowing how she ended up lurching into it in the first place.

                "But you do now."

                "No, I don't! I --- "

                "Then it's better that way." He turned around with a flourish. "Now if you'll stop this unnecessary badgering. I have to attend to some unfinished business."

                Nakago had gone ten steps when Yui, fired with determination and confidence in her word against his, cried out, "Yes! He will believe me! He has been with me and I've shown him nothing but my sincerest feelings for him. There's no way he'll brush that off as an act! There's no way he'll believe someone like _you_! "

                Nakago shook his head as if pitying her. "Yui, Yui. You really think he would believe you? If you tell him now just to let him see that you have nothing to do with it, you're just throwing yourself to the snake pit. You get to tell him or I get to tell him. Either way, he won't believe any of us and that will just make him see what a poor mistake it had been of choosing you…"

                Yui choked back a rising feeling of defeat. "No… he will believe…" She was faltering by the second but she won't let him have the satisfaction of seeing her doubting her own words.

                "Do yourself a favor, _Maiden of Seiryuu_. Don't do anything drastic now that you know the grave consequences." He remained silent as she looked at her now misty eyes. Then he said quietly, "We're all in this together, Yui. You and I should stick together. I did what I could to help you with your unrequited love… the least you can do now is also do your part."

                With a swish of his cape and one last meaningful look at the girl tricked and trapped because of her own selfish desires and foolishness… or maybe of circumstance…, Nakago was gone.

~*@@@*~

Beautiful graceful hands started to untie the knot holding one of the many intricate pieces of her Chinese gown together. It tinkled as beads of various shapes of snowflakes clinked against each other through the delicate fabric; their inimitable details hidden by the cloth like snow melting on the last blossoms that autumn had not been able to paint gold.

                "Lady Houki, have you met the Maiden of Suzaku?"

                Houki glanced at her handmaid. "Why yes. She was not at all the girl I thought the god Suzaku would choose but nevertheless, she's very much one of a kind. She has this certain feistiness in her that I wish I had…"

She was silent for a while, fingers playing with the snow blue color of the hem, but resumed taking off her clothes a moment later.

                The handmaid began unbuttoning the back part and said conspiratorially, "Well, don't be, Lady Houki. I think His Highness would be much better marrying you --- "

                "Why! What a thing to say! Emperor Hotohori didn't as much hint to me that he is interested in me much less" --- she flushed crimson at this --- "marry me…" But one who had been with her for quite some time could not miss the spark of hope reflecting in her violet eyes. "What made you comment like that in the first place?"

                The handmaid bowed her head respectfully. "Forgive me for saying it but I've been around here for so many months --- not long but just enough for me to notice that all the Maiden of Suzaku seems to bring His Majesty is sadness. If at first I didn't notice it, it's only because His Majesty is not able to hide that sadness much longer now." She laid down the Chinese gown on the chair's arm before handing her lady's sleeping dress. "I'm just concerned, that's all. His Highness had been nothing but kind to his people and I think that he deserves to be happy."

                Houki was silent, contemplating what had just been revealed to her. She quietly donned on her sleeping dress and dismissed her handmaid for the night. She lied there, staring up at the bed's ceiling, hands clutched to the blankets, body unmoving. She stayed like that for an unusually number of minutes.

                …and all the while her heart was getting restless.

~*@@@*~

Restless, Miaka finally threw off the bed's covers and swung her legs to the side, slipping into her slippers and standing up, she began pacing around the room.

                For the few minutes she's doing this, her hand would every now and then rake and pull on her auburn hair.

                _Oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why! Oh why must tell me what you told me, Hotohori? Aren't you happy with Houki. Isn't it that the two of you are eventually going to get married as what the townspeople had been talking about for weeks?_

Not having the answer, she opened her mouth and silently screamed out her frustration and sought the only escape she can have for now._ Must have food, must have food…_ Was what she chanted to herself as she made her way to one of the kitchen that was recently situated to fit her rumbling stomach that would often wake half of the people in this side of the palace. 

                As she entered the place, she stopped in her tracks. Someone else was already there, drinking a cup of what smelled to be as chrysanthemum honey tea… or that's what her all-knowing nose told her brain.

                "Miaka, you can stop staring and think that it's Houki that you're seeing when it's not."

                Relief flooded her system as she recognized the voice… and who else can she mistake for Houki but

                "Nuriko! What are you doing here? Don't you sleep way at the other side, part, wing --- whatever --- of the palace?"

                "Well, I wanted to sleep and so I chose this kitchen of a place --- what else can I be doing here? The same as why you're here. Only thing is I watch my weight and you don't."


End file.
